"Gone"

So... Lately, Ive been listening to N'Sync's "Gone", hard-fuckin-body. Dont judge me. Cot damn. This song brings up so many memories. I swear, sometimes I think women think Im really some cold hearted asshole... Im not cold-hearted. An asshole, maybe. But not cold-hearted. I have feelings just like everybody else. I just choose not to express them in the fashion that most people do. Like complaining, whining, getting upset or angry, etc... Im not the best man for ANY woman right now. I dont know why they continue to think I am.

Personally, I think its a weak excuse to continue to say Im afraid to commit... But I am. Deep down, everytime I think of settling down with one woman, I think... Why? So we can argue over shit that isnt as big of a deal as it is to her? Im not even in a relationship, yet I already deal with that. I also think, Im only 23... I have a promising life to live still. Im only going to get bigger and better, and if women want to sleep with me now... Their gonna wanna do it 2 me then.

Idk... Yo Im not gonna lie about it. Im weird. Really weird. Sometimes Im really into a girl, and then I just lose interest. Im a heartbreaker, and I really hate it. Cuz I never intend to hurt anyone... I really really dont. I just get caught up in so much, that eventually someone always gets burned. If I cried over every female that stopped fuckin wit me, then Id be locked in my room all the time. Lemme explain...

"When it comes to girls, Ive dished more blows then I take/I hit a homerun, but got injured as I dove to the plate"... That bar, sums up a lot of my relationships... Most girls, I could careless if they left me alone. Sad but true. Ive hurt more then Ive been hurt... BUT I have been hurt. By 2 women to be exact. Which is why I said "I hit a homerun, but got injured as I dove to the plate"... I still have love for both of them, but in my mind(even tho they both present defense cases & will tell everybody else I left) they still left me. And they both get the same exact face when I explain what happened at the end...

And really, all that matters is the end... Becuz despite all that went on between us... The good, the bad, the whateva... Where the fuck r we? At the end. And in both those endings, I end up single... Nobody really knows how fuckin hurt I truly was, except my pillows, the alcohol, and my heart... Nobody. I have never fully expressed to ANYONE how hurt I was. Like seriously... U marry the next fucking dude!? Like REALLY THO!? How dare you say you love me, yet move on so quickly? I love the shit outta that girl, but how the fuck am I supposed to just trust her after that? That is going to take time.

Women think just becuz they express their emotions better then men, that it makes shit easier. It really doesnt. Becuz if our feelings arent on the same page, then things get complicated. I suck at expressing myself properly, so all of this is going to sound like Im upset. But Im not. Im just soooo confused right now. I want this and all I have is that. Sittin here, sippin porto. Just listening to "Gone" on repeat. Yo... JT put his foot in this song. I have literally cried while listening to this shit. Not recently, but everytime I reach an end... This song pops up. I care about each woman who I have a personal relationship with, but usually their feelings end up stronger then mine. Like I said, I never intend to hurt anyone. Never. When I say its a fact that women tap out before I do, thats real talk.

Well Im gonna end this now. Leave u wit a snippet...

"Im a troubled soul, I dial her 7 to tell/That Im stuck on both sides, battlin wit heaven & hell/"

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...