Goodbye My Friend...

Omg... its 4:33am. Why am I up? And writing THIS nonetheless? So... Idk if you heard, but my father passed away about a week and a half ago. I am still broken up about this. I just try to hide my pain behind my smile. I havent been in the mood to do much besides sit around the house playin games or hangin wit Boobee. She brings a huge ass smile 2 my face. Im sittin here, listening to "Coldest Winter" by Kanye West... If your a 'Ye fan, you kno this song was written about his mother after she died.... Do I really need to go into detail over how Im feeling right now?

Anyway, this isnt about me. This is for my Pops... Since I didnt have the strength to write a final letter for you, this is it... Someone asked me how I was doin and I said "Im... Ok. I guess"... That person proceeded to tell me that I need to write and not hold all these feelings in. So Im gonna try.

... Im kinda tearin up already and I aint really get started yet. Pops... Over the last 23 years of my life, I think that Ive only spent a month or two total in days where I didnt see you. Maybe 3 months. But its still 23 years. You raised me in a 2 parent household, and helped mold me into the man I am today. I tell folk all the time, I look like my mom but I act jus like my pops. Maybe I never expressed how much you truly meant to me, and Im a fool for that. It pains me, cuz I let work and other bullshit prevent me from being by your side during your final hours. I had plans to come and see you that day. I shaved my head for the 1st time just to have something to talk about when I saw you. Cuz its always been hard for me to watch the strongest man in the world to me, just laying in a hospital bed. Ive never seen you cry nor complain about the pain, so I take shit like that to the heart. Very few people had ever seen me cry up until Wednesday. Now I just feel like one big ass ball of hurt that keeps tryin to mask itself with drugs & alcohol. No matter how much weed I smoke. No matter how much wine/beer I might drink... I always end up right here. Writing this damn letter. I miss you so much... Deep down, I had to think this day would come sooner or later. I just always hoped it'd be later... I cant do this. omg.

... love. tears.

i wrote this on sunday i believe...

"Yester"
... As each day flies by, I start to grieve a bit more then the yes-ter/Folk keep askin if Im alright, and all I can say is "yes sir"/Cuz Im tryin my best 2 keep my head held high/But still cant help but to ask myself "why?"/Both my heros, fallen to a heartache/So now my heart in-fact/Is jus so very un-intact/I was told that everything's covered/I was confused b4, now everything's cluttered/And the last words I uttered, was "see you soon"/And as humans, we assume/That your last words, are never your last/And if ever Im asked/If Im filled wit regret, you can bet/That my answer is "yes sir"/Cuz each new day is a bit more then the yes-ter...

So far...

... Im just one big ball of emotions right now. And i hate it. Ive been holding all these damn feelings inside. i hate being emotional. thats not me...

as i cried in the shower, the tears running down my face. "Hurricane" by 30 Seconds to Mars plays n the backround. i cry in safety, becuz all physical evidence of my hidden pain is washed away by running water. as i think about my father, how i wasnt by his side as he passed away in a hospital bed. how i never got to say goodbye. how he, the strongest man in the world to me, passed away the same way as the previous strongest man in the world to me... i dont question the strength of their hearts... i question myself, for not being able to do more. i feel as tho i wasnt there. and thats what hurts me the most... the fact that i was totally helpless to do anything... i cant finish this.

Attention deficit

... I tried. Or at least I feel as tho I tried. But the more I think of it, the more I want it. I really dont want to think about her anymore. But I cant help it. When I talk to any other girl to try and derail the attention my mind gives her... I realize how much I DONT want them to be around forever. Whereas with her... I want her. It literally pisses me off, becuz I dont want this. 1 side of me screams "been there, done that". The other says "take that leap"... Its weird. Cuz honestly, I feel as though she doesnt see what I see in her. And I kinda dont help anything by keeping things bottled up. Im not the open talk kinda dude. Im just not. I just keep 2 myself and let what ever happens, happen.

"Gone"

So... Lately, Ive been listening to N'Sync's "Gone", hard-fuckin-body. Dont judge me. Cot damn. This song brings up so many memories. I swear, sometimes I think women think Im really some cold hearted asshole... Im not cold-hearted. An asshole, maybe. But not cold-hearted. I have feelings just like everybody else. I just choose not to express them in the fashion that most people do. Like complaining, whining, getting upset or angry, etc... Im not the best man for ANY woman right now. I dont know why they continue to think I am.

Personally, I think its a weak excuse to continue to say Im afraid to commit... But I am. Deep down, everytime I think of settling down with one woman, I think... Why? So we can argue over shit that isnt as big of a deal as it is to her? Im not even in a relationship, yet I already deal with that. I also think, Im only 23... I have a promising life to live still. Im only going to get bigger and better, and if women want to sleep with me now... Their gonna wanna do it 2 me then.

Idk... Yo Im not gonna lie about it. Im weird. Really weird. Sometimes Im really into a girl, and then I just lose interest. Im a heartbreaker, and I really hate it. Cuz I never intend to hurt anyone... I really really dont. I just get caught up in so much, that eventually someone always gets burned. If I cried over every female that stopped fuckin wit me, then Id be locked in my room all the time. Lemme explain...

"When it comes to girls, Ive dished more blows then I take/I hit a homerun, but got injured as I dove to the plate"... That bar, sums up a lot of my relationships... Most girls, I could careless if they left me alone. Sad but true. Ive hurt more then Ive been hurt... BUT I have been hurt. By 2 women to be exact. Which is why I said "I hit a homerun, but got injured as I dove to the plate"... I still have love for both of them, but in my mind(even tho they both present defense cases & will tell everybody else I left) they still left me. And they both get the same exact face when I explain what happened at the end...

And really, all that matters is the end... Becuz despite all that went on between us... The good, the bad, the whateva... Where the fuck r we? At the end. And in both those endings, I end up single... Nobody really knows how fuckin hurt I truly was, except my pillows, the alcohol, and my heart... Nobody. I have never fully expressed to ANYONE how hurt I was. Like seriously... U marry the next fucking dude!? Like REALLY THO!? How dare you say you love me, yet move on so quickly? I love the shit outta that girl, but how the fuck am I supposed to just trust her after that? That is going to take time.

Women think just becuz they express their emotions better then men, that it makes shit easier. It really doesnt. Becuz if our feelings arent on the same page, then things get complicated. I suck at expressing myself properly, so all of this is going to sound like Im upset. But Im not. Im just soooo confused right now. I want this and all I have is that. Sittin here, sippin porto. Just listening to "Gone" on repeat. Yo... JT put his foot in this song. I have literally cried while listening to this shit. Not recently, but everytime I reach an end... This song pops up. I care about each woman who I have a personal relationship with, but usually their feelings end up stronger then mine. Like I said, I never intend to hurt anyone. Never. When I say its a fact that women tap out before I do, thats real talk.

Well Im gonna end this now. Leave u wit a snippet...

"Im a troubled soul, I dial her 7 to tell/That Im stuck on both sides, battlin wit heaven & hell/"

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

Sounds of nature

"Nudity"
To me, its epic how skeptic I can truly be/After shawty holla "love", but I dont trust that she true to me/The "love" dance, you know, aint really new to me/But I hate the part where Im stuck AFTER the nudity/Not no clothes, Im not even talkin sex/Im talkin what do you do when you cant move on to the next/Cuz once I bare skin/Just to let you in/And you decide to pick up & leave/In most cases, Im sick but dont grieve/Cuz honestly, it even amazes me/How it appears as if nothin phases me/Smilin on the out, while screamin on the in/Knowin deep down, that Im jus fiendin for the win/Cuz its tirin waitin on the girl your dreamin will cause your "FIN"... Sometimes I wish I could see, your perception of me/Then maybe it'd help lead me to be/Whateva the fuck it is you need me to be/Cuz Im the ringleader of my own mental jamboree/Minus a top hat, secretly tryna figure out who I am to me/Some Jason Bourne shit, misplaced identity/Used to kno, but over time Ive defaced the serenity/Ended up like every other nigga, embraced my obscenities/Shittttt, do you even remember me?/"Like a Hess truck, Im a collector's item, circa '86/All these clowns tryna get wit me, its like a circus on my dick"/When I say things like that, its geared more towards bravado/And my lustful-ness, usually only wakes after goin towards a bottle/Of course, women love me & I love them back/But I get caught up to often in "this" act/And what I perceive to be fiction, usually ends up as fact/I stare in the mirror and sometimes hate what Ive grew to be/Cuz now Im afraid to be exposed, Im scared of the nudity...



enjoy a peak into the carnival which is my mind... i need some alone time. if i igg u for a few days, dont take it personal. im just goin through a lot and dont really have the words to say right now.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

Boom-kack

... Yo... I know Im wrong. But it feels soooo good....










im high as a muthafucka right now. cot damnnn.








im keepin it 2gether tho... trust & believe.

It makes me happy...

Sadly... No new poetry. I been busy. I know Ive been igg'in a few folk. Some people, it was on purpose. Others, just slipped my mind. Besides the piece of liquor-soaked fruit, I had last Friday at that wack ass after party... I have been sober for a while now. Ive started smoking cigerettes and blacks like crazy tho. But at least Im not drinking. Today, I just feel so good. IDK Y. I just do. I woke up, looked in the mirror, said "damn u look good"(like i usually do), and got dressed. There is much to be said, but this is not the right time.

Oh... FYI Im down to weighing in at 220 lbs... Yea, bitches. The Lion said that.

turn ur speakers up lol

I actually think this is kinda illegal lol. But whateva... Originally I recorded these videos in an attempt to piss my dear friend, Dollface off lol.






The 1st one was 2 long, so I made it shorter lol. I tried sending them to her thru text, but it kept sayin that the size was 2 big. Fuckin fuck. It kinda ruined the fun. Oh well lol.




Even though Hulu should have up episode 1 by now as I type... I KNOW they aint got this lol. Teaser for episode 2 lol. There was supposed 2 be more chicken eating during this, but I actually ended up giving her some earlier tonight. So really... All of this was kinda pointless. Especially if this does turn out to be illegal lol. Whateva... TURN YA SPEAKERS UP!

Comedy From Tragedy... Hope u like.

"Comedy From Tragedy"
Comedy from tragedy, I frequent the L-O-L/Nah Im not the realest, but I spare no detail/Im not a player, just an opportunist/When it presents itself, I get ig'nit wit the opportune-bliss/So now we goin to the opera soon, miss/The fat lady, steadfast, singin through our break-up/Ya girlfriends comin 2 ya aid, bringin in the make-up/Beggin you to wake-up/I dont lift on the regular, but manage to stay cut/Both in the physical and mental/At times its hard to discern the physical shit I been through/Slowly slippin into a great depression/Growin more irate wit each suggestion/And it got me goin through a speech recession/The best comedy comes from tragedy, so I tend to laugh a lot/Im a work in progress, but a rough draft Im not/Been here a while, my story is bein wrote n pen/So my mistakes cant be erased, even when Im choked by sin/Ya hate is heard as gibberish, 2 me ur 1 of the Sims/The devil can wear prada, but I prefer my Timbs/No horns, no halo... Fuck it, Im just me/Old headed, young blood, no college degree/Proud? No... But it wont crush my pride/1 day success will find me, Im n no rush 2 hide/Wit trouble, I always brush then collide/Cuz wit such promise, Ive lived a life of 'misses'/Both on opportunities & bitches/Missed out on college, but fucked miss thang/Missed out on us bein 2gether, but still she sucked this wang/Comedy from tragedy, I frequent the L-O-L/Nah Im not the realest, but I spare no detail/Used to play the frog, now Im the prince wit no crown/Princess searched high & low, now all she wanna do is lay round/Stay down/Wit her back, flat on the mattress/Legs airbourne, but no matta how I please her, she appear as an actress/She phony now, when it used to be such thrill/Beyond her slut-skill/But still, I end up wit the raw end of such a clutch deal/I dont wanna be her king, so now Im the bad guy/But if, had I/Sell her dreams beyond the ones already sold/We would just decrease in value, cuz we already gold/With each passin day, the chance that Ill stay... To her, jus grows stronger/And it pains me to drag it out any longer/Maybe she's Ms. Right, but to me, she's the wrong "her"/And I yearn for the day, when folk ask, Ill say... "Yeah, man... Thats Her"/The queen of my dreams, the last chick is a blur/But alas, its all comedy from tragedy, I frequent the L-O-L/Nah Im not the realest, but I spare no detail/I laugh now, and try to refrain from cryin/Sobriety is painful, and at times I feel insane for tryin/Cuz in my brain Im lyin/In denial, about bein in that lane and flyin/Sign from God, that they stopped me/It sucks tho, cuz in my heart I kno thats not me/Anger fuelin my actions, is me outta trait/Im often in denial, but never hate/So I blamed others, who I call, brothers/When in reality, it was all on me/Now as the pain of thought falls on me/Im left askin myself, "what if"... What if, somebody died that night?/What if God chose not to glide that flight?/Cuz a nigga was soarin, wit my head in the clouds/Felt invincible, already dead to the crowds/I wouldnt listen, even tho niggas was talkin/Threatenin my mans, "you either get in or you walkin"/I lost all control, and thats what the drug do/Its like blood to a vampire, that I need to debug through/Like a snug flu/I try to fight the temptation/But cot dammit, I like the sensation/So when we fight, I keep gloves on, while she always bare knuckles/I dont mind her punch, but aint no such thing as shootin the fair "fuck-yous"/I catch a case of the "fuck-its", "fuck this, fuck that"/Whether Im sayin "fuck you" or "damn, I wanna fuck that"/ Between a rock & a hard place, yup... Thats where Im stuck at...

dont forget to read "Dirty Diana" underneath this 2 lol. I posted that earlier tonight, then afterwards decided to go finish this damn poem. So whoever reads this first, will be the 1st person to read it besides me. Cuz Im on my thirsty shit wit dis one lol.

"Dirty Diana"

So... Ive heard this song like a million times, and NEVER really listened 2 the lyrics. I remember one time gettin a lapdance to this song, and I was obviously 2 occupied with the woman in my lap to pay attention to the song. Its a great song for strippers to dance to by the way... Actually, there are a lot of songs folks would be surprised to hear in the strip club, but those wonderful women make it work... I love strippers. I respect any woman with enough confidence to do that line of work. Some of them are hoes tho. Its like video vixens, except they actually get nude lol. Its hoes everywhere. I dont judge nobody for the type of work they do. Thats their business. I applaud you, ma. I especially aint goin stop no chick from gettin her paper. Dont stand over here and talk 2 me for 2 long, I dont want niggas thinkin u my girl. Niggas dont tip as well if they think the girl isnt available. All apart of the fantasy. I tell my stripper friends that all the time lol... Folk can think Im gross for enjoying strip clubs if they want. I really dont care. Most people are closed-minded fucks anyway. Dont blame me cuz I can see outside of the peon box your trapped in.

Anyway, that really wasnt what I was going to talk about. But I changed my mind. Im not going to talk about what I intended to anymore. Its pointless. Sooooo... This is goodnight.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

How do I put this...?

"Seems like I always had crushes on chicks I couldnt have/And then I end up fuckin wit someone I shouldnt have/See in my mind, its like Im perfect for her, I gotta show her/But sadly, in reality, dawg I dont even kno her/But still somehow she got my mind infatuated/Absolutely fascinated/Wit the thoughts of what she might be like/Time after time after time, I had to wait this(?)/Is fate procrastinatin? I can take it, cuz I might be right/... This is the girl of my dreams/Is she as good as what she seems?/Or am I lyin to myself?/Aye, should I try and get some help?"

Real shit... I hate thinking about her lol. She's so secretive that Id never truly know whats goin on in her chrome dome. She stares at me when she thinks Im not looking. Either shes undressing me with her eyes, or thinking "why do I continue to mess wit this clown?"... I look at her wit amazement myself, like "why do we keep endin up like this?". Got every reason to stop fuckin wit me, yet wont. I foxx wit her tho, hardbody... Shes growing on me, a lot. She gets upset by comments on other women, but thats just me. Im still not really messin wit anybody else like that currently. Im not really lookin for love anymore. Cuz I flip-flop all the time. One day I wanna be in love, then the next I wanna be single. Blah... I do miss her tho. Kinda pissed we didnt get to knock boots this weekend while she was in town lol. Oh well... Guess Im back to holding out. She is the only person Im fuckin. "Fuck what you heard, its what you hearin"... The ONLY...

A bitch goin have to seduce the shit outta my single ass to get in these draws lol. Its not like I couldnt fuck someone else, I just choose not to... Sobriety has helped me realized that my drinking is a large portion of where my lustful-ness comes from... When Im sober, I could care less about meeting new potential mates. But when I drink, I just wanna fuck at the end of the night lol. I talk to one other female, who actually is in town. But we not fuckin. Shit, I barely have ever really hung out wit her outside of work lol. Shes fuckin awesome tho. It just wouldnt work. I find her very attractive, she jus WAY to busy for me. I dont mind a busy woman, cuz I dont want anybody 2 be in my face all the time. But shawty hotcakes, is TOO busy. My ego hates being ignored lol. Im the one that does the ignoring. And she iggs the shit outta me for days at a time lol. I stay doin shit myself, but I usually always have time to text. How you think I keep gettin damn near 3000+ sms msgs SENT a month? lol...

I hate trying to figure out whats goin on. So I assume that nothing is. She does what she does, and I do what I do. Oh yeah, this part is about someone completely different then the previous two. Mattas fact, Im not even gonna say much. There really isnt much to say. Regardless of how I may feel for any other woman, I will always be there for her. She'll always be, to me, whateva the hell she is to me lol. Jus kno she da fuckin best...

I still feel like this will somehow, someway, be takin way outta context by ppl. Which is why I really didnt wanna post this. But its my blog, and I only write whats on my mind and in my heart. Ppl often take one thing I say and find someway to get offended. Its like when a white person says "you people r the greatest", while referencing a group of "coloreds" and then one "colored" finds it offensive and responds "what the fuck you mean, 'YOU PEOPLE'!?". White person responds "huh, excuse me... I just said your the greatest"... "Colored" says "SO WHAT!? Im offended now... Fuckin racist!" lmao

My Darlin' Baby...

So as I download the new Kid Cudi... I decided to check out www.hotnewhiphop.com, and ran across a song called "My Darlin' Baby" by Lil Wayne & Drake... I dig it. Havent really blogged in a while. Got a lot goin on. Just havent felt like spillin my guts on the net. Been writin tho. I just feel like some of the shit isnt ready to be seen. If you write poems or anythin for that matter, you can prolly relate. I think Ill put up a preview lol. I wonder how many ppl actually read this shit anymore. Whateva. Sometimes its kinda disappointing when I think Im posting good shit, and get no comments lol. But its still whateva.

Remember, these r just snippets lol...

This is from "Pain Pill 2"... "Pain Pill 1" was my last post actually...

"Im not a player, just an opportunist/When it presents itself, I get ig'nit wit the opportune-bliss/So now we goin to the opera soon, miss/The fat lady, steadfast, singin through our break-up/Ya girlfriends comin 2 ya aid, bringin in the make-up/Beggin you to wake-up/I dont lift on the regular, but manage to stay cut/Both in the physical and mental/At times its hard to discern the physical shit I been through/Slowly slippin into a great depression/Growin more irate wit each suggestion/And it got me goin through a speech recession/"

This is from a poem I call "V3" aka "Ventilation 3" lol... Yeah, I write in parts lol. The other 2 r on in my facebook notes. I gotta transfer them to my notepad btw...

"The best comedy comes from tragedy, so I tend to laugh a lot/Im a work in progress, but a rough draft Im not/Been here a while, my story is bein wrote n pen/So my mistakes cant be erased, even when Im choked by sin/Ya hate is heard as gibberish, 2 me ur 1 of the Sims/The devil can wear prada, but I prefer my Timbs/No horns, no halo... Fuck it, Im just me/Old headed, young blood, no college degree/Proud? No... But it wont crush my pride/1 day success will find me, Im n no rush 2 hide/Wit such promise, Ive lived a life of 'misses'/Both on opportunities & bitches/Missed out on college, but fucked miss thang/Missed out on us bein 2gether, but still she sucked this wang/Comedy from tragedy, I frequent the L-O-L/Nah Im not the realest, but I spare no detail/"...

Mattas fact... I might just throw those two snippets into 1, and just add to it lol. Now that Ive put them on 1 page, they could kinda go together. What u think? If I decide to do that, Im jus gonna scrap both titles & think of somethin new lol. The rest of "V3", gets really in depth wit some of my past relations. It was originally written just for my eyes, hence the venting lol. They can read it when Im dead & someone finds my notes lol. What did 50 say, "When I die, they'll read this & say a genius wrote this" lol. Sleep on me then. I really should release a book of poetry. Maybe.

Its been a while... lol

"Pain Pill"

Always ready, Im G.I. Bro/An 80's Nike ad, ask Bo, cuz even he know/Year '86 to be exact/Cuz I just do it, free will, I dont kno how to act/A reckless wreckage, lil mama say Im a mess/But compared to any other shes had, she say Im the best/But publicly, she denies her love to the rest/With no "S" on my chest, I still call her my Lois/And you prolly will neva notice/How I used to feel like Superman trapped as Clark Kent/But somedays Im just trapped in the booth/Where did this tie come from? When Im still tapped in my youth/Days when I finally do step out to crime fight/Im neva interested in the lime-light/I jus wanna save Lois from that bottomless pit/Fast enough to the point she say, "Oh he done got him some shit"/Then she consider me her savior for the time being/Wantin me to follow her forever, but Lo, Im a blind being/Im only super when needed/And I swore that I pleaded/My case to you/That in order for me to stay in the face of you/I gotta keep on chasin you/Cuz once I got you in these super hands/Lois... Ima show you the true Superman/Newspapers glorify me, while tabloids spread my gospel/Highlight of my high-life, that I was bred to be un-hostile/But in reality, I got an appetite for destruction/Once my innocence was a victim to abduction/Through seduction/In rolled the crave for reproduction/Better yet, just conduction/Cuz Ive never re-produced/But when that kryptonite got me induced/I get re-introduced, to my B-side/Tried to cut it off, failed, then I re-tried/But I relapsed, fallin to my kneecaps/Lookin to the sky, askin the Lord why... Why oh why, cant I just get rid of I?/Cuz Id rather forfeit my life, then believe Im wrong for bein prideful/Even tho, its so fuckin delightful/Its actually insightful/A double-edged sword, I lost the best I ever had/To my friends, I say Im blessed, Im never mad/But in the back of my mind, I hear my conscience call/And it keep wonderin when Im jus let this nonsense fall/Got it all backwards, I love life, but lustin for love/Im jumpin out the window, no Browz, just a push and a shove/Everyday is a repeat, cuz the world is filled wit women to woo/But whats important, is what these women mean to you/When it comes to girls, Ive dished more blows then I take/I hit a homerun, but got injured as I dove to the plate/Why the fuck was I divin? Im only 22/Love is like communism, and I hate doin what plenty do...

Being Sexually Active...

First Im gonna do a test and see if this video actually uploads. Its not the funniest thing. Prolly not very funny. But my teeth look good as shit lol. Plus if this works, there will be much more videos...

Anywayz, moving on... Umm so recently, Ive been on some bullshit. Im not gonna get 2 much into it, becuz you neva know whose reading. So, I just feel like if your a straight male, and your 20+ having sex... You NEED to be eating pussy. Niggaz that dont eat pussy are pussies 2 me. I started late as shit with it, I wont lie. But I regret it. I LOVE pussy. Eating it is the best. Im a freak. If your a straight female, and your 20+ having sex... You NEED to just get over yourself and suck some dick. Cuz nowadays, if your fuckin with no suckin... You aint fuckin me. Oral sex is the best period... Thats why 69 is like the best of every world lol. Another thing, if your having sex and choose NOT to use a condom, please realize that your choice is your choice in that moment. But if you end up pregnant, in my eyes... Its not up 2 you anymore. Thats a LIFE in your/her belly. Unless the very unfortunate happens where u had sex against your will. But if your a willing participant, and you choose not 2 use protection... Dont come back 2 the mirror in the bathroom in 2 weeks, like "what the fuck!?"... I dont believe in abortion, if you didnt catch that. If you not ready to be a grown up, dont do the grown up... fuck that. I had more, but its 3am. Just left Elaine's pad wit Sika. Its crazy, cuz we didnt even have any convos about sex, but this shit was in my head the wholeeeeeeeee time I was over there lol. But I need sleep. Im makin grits in the morning lol.

Dead ass seriously

So Ive had this idea in my head for a few months now, just never enough guts lol. I wanna make a mixtape. Not just consisting of rap tho. Barely rap. Im not a rapper, jus a poet. If your one of the ppl that actually read my poetry, then you'll recognize some shit. Im jus gonna take some of my poems I feel should be vocalized and vocalize them lol. BUT I am going to write all new shit. Im just doin this shit for me, not for anybody else. Just me. Just Ry. I was gonna name it "Angels & Demons: My life of rhyme"... Corny? Its still a work in progress. Or just "Love, Life, Lustful"... I dont know lol. Fuck it, Ill jus name it "Working Title" lol. Of course, Ima have special guests on there. And I got a surprise for all who hear it lol.

Am I wrong?

Am I wrong for not wanting to hurt anyone? Am I wrong for not wanting to get hurt? Please, go right ahead and believe everything you may hear about me. I dont care. People talk about all the time, good or bad. But deep down in my heart, mind, body, and soul... My views on the world are on point. Girls have done me wrong... And I havent been any better. Im not perfect. Im not a saint. I believe in God, and I also do believe in true love. Ive never met God, but Ive ran across true love(or so I believe)... But nobody knows what the fuck true love is. Love is blind. Relationships get fucked up. My mans dated this girl for 5 years... 5 fuckin years. Since he was a senior in high school throughout college. His last fuckin semester, she wants to break up all of a sudden... Excuse me? What? This is old news now, but we talked about it again yesterday. Its just on my mind... How after 5 years, u finally build up enough courage to say you feel unappreciated? Fuck that... I have been single-ish for the last year or so... I loved my ex. Still have love for her, no lie. But us gettin back together, will NEVER happen. So Im over it. I feel as tho, the way things actually ended was fucked up. And then some newer shit dealing with her, is even more fucked up in my eyes. Everybody says that I did 2 little 2 late. But fuck that... I was still there. Yeah I did some fuck shit. But I was still there. I loved her. Then the next lady I was seriously involved with, I loved... Nah, love. Her. As far as Im concerned 2 me, shes the one that got away. FUCK what everybody says. We're so alike, yet so different. Its weird, but I love it. Im truly happy for her, and Ive said that numerous times. I feel like, if shes happy... Im happy. I wont start no trouble inside the waffle house lol. But if she needs me, Im there... I prolly really shouldnt even be writing this. But my blog is named "Say Whats Real" for a reason. I keep it real. I dont wanna get into ANY of my current events, because I feel I would jinx it. Im living and loving life right now, no note, no insurance. Just a phone bill and debt lol. Rent free is the way 2 be lol. But whateva... If you dislike what Im sayin, then unfollow me. If you love my real talk, stay tuned. I got some shit comin up soon. Promise. Mad drafts lol. Im bout 2 go rub it out then sleep then go to work lol. VA NEXT WEEK BABY!!!! 

I dont...

So... Maybe I jumped the gun a lil bit. After further thought, I dont want a relationship. Im still kinda immature in some aspects, and I REALLY REALLY dont want hurt anyone else. Nor get hurt by anyone else. Id rather just have companionship. Thats not to say that Im gonna still be out fuckin whoever. I havent had sex in a while, contrary to popular belief. I just want somebody thats gonna be there for me and Im there for them. I dont need anything official, because once things become official, things get hectic and crazy. I dont like hectic and crazy. Im a simple dude, in some ways. It doesnt take much to please me, but at the same time, it takes a lot 2 please me. I just want somebody thats gonna be there when I call, when Im horny, when whateva pops off. I dont plan my day out besides work. So after that, I usually have options of what is going to happen. I try to pick whateva I think I would have the most enjoyment out of. I have a freestyled styled lifestyle. I need someone that understands that. Cuz if she understands me, then Ill understand her. Im not a jealous dude. So ma, if Im doin me... Do you. But when I wanna do you, make sure you wanna do me. Thats not even from a sexual standpoint. Im not sayin I wanna be the boss of the companionship. But if u wanna spend time wit me, VOICE IT. Dont get mad cuz Im at the strip club or whateva again. Tell me, cuz Im willing to compromise. I dont feel like typing anymore, and I dont feel like drafting this... soooo... yea

YIKES!

Let me explain this first... Mattas fact, nah. Ill explain later. Ima let people jump to conclusions first. I have to go post a blog on my other blog as well at www.theniceguyvsthejerk.blogspot.com check it out... Show Pooh and me some love. And PLEASE dont hesistate to ask me or tell me how you feel about this one right here. I really dont fish for compliments much, but I just literally finished this and didnt let somebody go over it before posting it. I dont care either cuz its just some shit I was feeling. Like I said, Ima let yall jump to conclusions before I explain it. Anyway, hit me...

"Satire Poetry(More Then Likely)"
Nobody ever told me, be careful who you give your heart to/Cuz once you mean that L word, thats the minute that they start to/Set apart you/From dem otha muhfuckas, who done came and went/And cot damn man, its a shame Ive spent/A portion of my life/Lookin for endorsements and a wife/I been lookin for love in all the wrong places/And this fuckin liquor got me in all the wrong faces/But I cant place the blame, when I still race the game/Jus when I think Im winnin, I get caught up often/And then the game catches up, costin.../Me, the sweet taste of victor-ree/Im a captive of my own war, a classic P.O.W/So if ever we fell out, jus kno that it wasnt you/My inner demons fly back thru after each external battle/And damn theres no rain, but I stay sleepless in Seattle/But my version of Seattle is the 19th Ward/Excited when I meet a chick on the 1st, but by the 19th Im bored/So we reach the series finale, no return next season/Gone off air, not cuz of ratings, just network reasons/The dramedy that was us, had all the buzz durin the pilot/Had the producers so excited/But I got stage fright, and couldnt fight it/And I kno you dont like it/But its easier to jus walk away then right it/Im spilled milk, so please dont cry for me/And right now, I cant be as good as Id like to be/Cuz Lord knows, more then likely, I love you/And at this very moment, I prolly dont want anyone, but you/But once you turn around and leave/And Ive run outta tricks up my sleeve/Babygirl sweet cheeks, please believe/That Ima moan for you/Cuz more then likely, Ive shown to you/A piece of me, I kno that has grown on you/Not sexually, but Ima miss you next to me/For more then likely, jus about a month or two/Listenin to slow R&B, wit E&J and fuckin up a blunt or two/But my pride is thick, so nah, I wont run to you/Nor come to you/Cuz I kno you'll move on, soon-er then I will/Folk goin say "I fucked up", but Ima say "if i could tune her into how I feel"/And she see whats in my heart, rather then my actions/She wouldnt pick up and gather her attractions/Cuz then she'd notice my adaptions/No lie, at 1st I cant picture her bein the last forever/Plus how can I believe this goin last forever/When Ive failed in my past endeavors/I jus wanna broad-cast some letters/Grade school shit, ME+U equals us/Dont believe the haters, cuz me sayin "I love you" equals trust/And yeah I still might fuck up right then/Perfection takes time tho, stop lookin for the right men/When the right guy, might I... Say/Dare I, its just a scared I/Scared to try, scared of Ry/Cuz Im afraid to give you Ryan/I dont tear up, cuz Im afraid of cryin/Smile now, then cry later/So I smile for the public and scream "Hi Hater!"/But once they gone, Im more then likely wit some drink in me/Puffin this black, listenin to R&B/Holdin tears back, tryna forget who you are to me...

Wingman...

So Ive realized... Im the best wingman lol. Yo, I play the wingman so much that I gotta be the best at it. Cuz usually its some hot girl wit her big homegirl. And yall know by now... I DONT have a problem wit big girls, as long as they are cute or whateva. But thats besides the point... Really there is no point. Just kno that I play wingman alot with no intentions on getting a number. But for the most part, I do and the asshole who asked me to run interference, either ends up having sex with the girl while Im in the living room still chattin up the big girl. You have no idea how many times this has actually happened lol. It didnt happen tonight, but I just heard some shit about a wingman and threw me for a spin. Sorry...

Im keepin this short tonight... Omg... Im listening to this song by Sammie called "Unfaithful", and cot damn... Is all Im gonna say. Goodnight. Its now 2am. I have to be to work at 9.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion....