"Gone"

So... Lately, Ive been listening to N'Sync's "Gone", hard-fuckin-body. Dont judge me. Cot damn. This song brings up so many memories. I swear, sometimes I think women think Im really some cold hearted asshole... Im not cold-hearted. An asshole, maybe. But not cold-hearted. I have feelings just like everybody else. I just choose not to express them in the fashion that most people do. Like complaining, whining, getting upset or angry, etc... Im not the best man for ANY woman right now. I dont know why they continue to think I am.

Personally, I think its a weak excuse to continue to say Im afraid to commit... But I am. Deep down, everytime I think of settling down with one woman, I think... Why? So we can argue over shit that isnt as big of a deal as it is to her? Im not even in a relationship, yet I already deal with that. I also think, Im only 23... I have a promising life to live still. Im only going to get bigger and better, and if women want to sleep with me now... Their gonna wanna do it 2 me then.

Idk... Yo Im not gonna lie about it. Im weird. Really weird. Sometimes Im really into a girl, and then I just lose interest. Im a heartbreaker, and I really hate it. Cuz I never intend to hurt anyone... I really really dont. I just get caught up in so much, that eventually someone always gets burned. If I cried over every female that stopped fuckin wit me, then Id be locked in my room all the time. Lemme explain...

"When it comes to girls, Ive dished more blows then I take/I hit a homerun, but got injured as I dove to the plate"... That bar, sums up a lot of my relationships... Most girls, I could careless if they left me alone. Sad but true. Ive hurt more then Ive been hurt... BUT I have been hurt. By 2 women to be exact. Which is why I said "I hit a homerun, but got injured as I dove to the plate"... I still have love for both of them, but in my mind(even tho they both present defense cases & will tell everybody else I left) they still left me. And they both get the same exact face when I explain what happened at the end...

And really, all that matters is the end... Becuz despite all that went on between us... The good, the bad, the whateva... Where the fuck r we? At the end. And in both those endings, I end up single... Nobody really knows how fuckin hurt I truly was, except my pillows, the alcohol, and my heart... Nobody. I have never fully expressed to ANYONE how hurt I was. Like seriously... U marry the next fucking dude!? Like REALLY THO!? How dare you say you love me, yet move on so quickly? I love the shit outta that girl, but how the fuck am I supposed to just trust her after that? That is going to take time.

Women think just becuz they express their emotions better then men, that it makes shit easier. It really doesnt. Becuz if our feelings arent on the same page, then things get complicated. I suck at expressing myself properly, so all of this is going to sound like Im upset. But Im not. Im just soooo confused right now. I want this and all I have is that. Sittin here, sippin porto. Just listening to "Gone" on repeat. Yo... JT put his foot in this song. I have literally cried while listening to this shit. Not recently, but everytime I reach an end... This song pops up. I care about each woman who I have a personal relationship with, but usually their feelings end up stronger then mine. Like I said, I never intend to hurt anyone. Never. When I say its a fact that women tap out before I do, thats real talk.

Well Im gonna end this now. Leave u wit a snippet...

"Im a troubled soul, I dial her 7 to tell/That Im stuck on both sides, battlin wit heaven & hell/"

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

Sounds of nature

"Nudity"
To me, its epic how skeptic I can truly be/After shawty holla "love", but I dont trust that she true to me/The "love" dance, you know, aint really new to me/But I hate the part where Im stuck AFTER the nudity/Not no clothes, Im not even talkin sex/Im talkin what do you do when you cant move on to the next/Cuz once I bare skin/Just to let you in/And you decide to pick up & leave/In most cases, Im sick but dont grieve/Cuz honestly, it even amazes me/How it appears as if nothin phases me/Smilin on the out, while screamin on the in/Knowin deep down, that Im jus fiendin for the win/Cuz its tirin waitin on the girl your dreamin will cause your "FIN"... Sometimes I wish I could see, your perception of me/Then maybe it'd help lead me to be/Whateva the fuck it is you need me to be/Cuz Im the ringleader of my own mental jamboree/Minus a top hat, secretly tryna figure out who I am to me/Some Jason Bourne shit, misplaced identity/Used to kno, but over time Ive defaced the serenity/Ended up like every other nigga, embraced my obscenities/Shittttt, do you even remember me?/"Like a Hess truck, Im a collector's item, circa '86/All these clowns tryna get wit me, its like a circus on my dick"/When I say things like that, its geared more towards bravado/And my lustful-ness, usually only wakes after goin towards a bottle/Of course, women love me & I love them back/But I get caught up to often in "this" act/And what I perceive to be fiction, usually ends up as fact/I stare in the mirror and sometimes hate what Ive grew to be/Cuz now Im afraid to be exposed, Im scared of the nudity...



enjoy a peak into the carnival which is my mind... i need some alone time. if i igg u for a few days, dont take it personal. im just goin through a lot and dont really have the words to say right now.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

Boom-kack

... Yo... I know Im wrong. But it feels soooo good....










im high as a muthafucka right now. cot damnnn.








im keepin it 2gether tho... trust & believe.

It makes me happy...

Sadly... No new poetry. I been busy. I know Ive been igg'in a few folk. Some people, it was on purpose. Others, just slipped my mind. Besides the piece of liquor-soaked fruit, I had last Friday at that wack ass after party... I have been sober for a while now. Ive started smoking cigerettes and blacks like crazy tho. But at least Im not drinking. Today, I just feel so good. IDK Y. I just do. I woke up, looked in the mirror, said "damn u look good"(like i usually do), and got dressed. There is much to be said, but this is not the right time.

Oh... FYI Im down to weighing in at 220 lbs... Yea, bitches. The Lion said that.

turn ur speakers up lol

I actually think this is kinda illegal lol. But whateva... Originally I recorded these videos in an attempt to piss my dear friend, Dollface off lol.






The 1st one was 2 long, so I made it shorter lol. I tried sending them to her thru text, but it kept sayin that the size was 2 big. Fuckin fuck. It kinda ruined the fun. Oh well lol.




Even though Hulu should have up episode 1 by now as I type... I KNOW they aint got this lol. Teaser for episode 2 lol. There was supposed 2 be more chicken eating during this, but I actually ended up giving her some earlier tonight. So really... All of this was kinda pointless. Especially if this does turn out to be illegal lol. Whateva... TURN YA SPEAKERS UP!

Comedy From Tragedy... Hope u like.

"Comedy From Tragedy"
Comedy from tragedy, I frequent the L-O-L/Nah Im not the realest, but I spare no detail/Im not a player, just an opportunist/When it presents itself, I get ig'nit wit the opportune-bliss/So now we goin to the opera soon, miss/The fat lady, steadfast, singin through our break-up/Ya girlfriends comin 2 ya aid, bringin in the make-up/Beggin you to wake-up/I dont lift on the regular, but manage to stay cut/Both in the physical and mental/At times its hard to discern the physical shit I been through/Slowly slippin into a great depression/Growin more irate wit each suggestion/And it got me goin through a speech recession/The best comedy comes from tragedy, so I tend to laugh a lot/Im a work in progress, but a rough draft Im not/Been here a while, my story is bein wrote n pen/So my mistakes cant be erased, even when Im choked by sin/Ya hate is heard as gibberish, 2 me ur 1 of the Sims/The devil can wear prada, but I prefer my Timbs/No horns, no halo... Fuck it, Im just me/Old headed, young blood, no college degree/Proud? No... But it wont crush my pride/1 day success will find me, Im n no rush 2 hide/Wit trouble, I always brush then collide/Cuz wit such promise, Ive lived a life of 'misses'/Both on opportunities & bitches/Missed out on college, but fucked miss thang/Missed out on us bein 2gether, but still she sucked this wang/Comedy from tragedy, I frequent the L-O-L/Nah Im not the realest, but I spare no detail/Used to play the frog, now Im the prince wit no crown/Princess searched high & low, now all she wanna do is lay round/Stay down/Wit her back, flat on the mattress/Legs airbourne, but no matta how I please her, she appear as an actress/She phony now, when it used to be such thrill/Beyond her slut-skill/But still, I end up wit the raw end of such a clutch deal/I dont wanna be her king, so now Im the bad guy/But if, had I/Sell her dreams beyond the ones already sold/We would just decrease in value, cuz we already gold/With each passin day, the chance that Ill stay... To her, jus grows stronger/And it pains me to drag it out any longer/Maybe she's Ms. Right, but to me, she's the wrong "her"/And I yearn for the day, when folk ask, Ill say... "Yeah, man... Thats Her"/The queen of my dreams, the last chick is a blur/But alas, its all comedy from tragedy, I frequent the L-O-L/Nah Im not the realest, but I spare no detail/I laugh now, and try to refrain from cryin/Sobriety is painful, and at times I feel insane for tryin/Cuz in my brain Im lyin/In denial, about bein in that lane and flyin/Sign from God, that they stopped me/It sucks tho, cuz in my heart I kno thats not me/Anger fuelin my actions, is me outta trait/Im often in denial, but never hate/So I blamed others, who I call, brothers/When in reality, it was all on me/Now as the pain of thought falls on me/Im left askin myself, "what if"... What if, somebody died that night?/What if God chose not to glide that flight?/Cuz a nigga was soarin, wit my head in the clouds/Felt invincible, already dead to the crowds/I wouldnt listen, even tho niggas was talkin/Threatenin my mans, "you either get in or you walkin"/I lost all control, and thats what the drug do/Its like blood to a vampire, that I need to debug through/Like a snug flu/I try to fight the temptation/But cot dammit, I like the sensation/So when we fight, I keep gloves on, while she always bare knuckles/I dont mind her punch, but aint no such thing as shootin the fair "fuck-yous"/I catch a case of the "fuck-its", "fuck this, fuck that"/Whether Im sayin "fuck you" or "damn, I wanna fuck that"/ Between a rock & a hard place, yup... Thats where Im stuck at...

dont forget to read "Dirty Diana" underneath this 2 lol. I posted that earlier tonight, then afterwards decided to go finish this damn poem. So whoever reads this first, will be the 1st person to read it besides me. Cuz Im on my thirsty shit wit dis one lol.

"Dirty Diana"

So... Ive heard this song like a million times, and NEVER really listened 2 the lyrics. I remember one time gettin a lapdance to this song, and I was obviously 2 occupied with the woman in my lap to pay attention to the song. Its a great song for strippers to dance to by the way... Actually, there are a lot of songs folks would be surprised to hear in the strip club, but those wonderful women make it work... I love strippers. I respect any woman with enough confidence to do that line of work. Some of them are hoes tho. Its like video vixens, except they actually get nude lol. Its hoes everywhere. I dont judge nobody for the type of work they do. Thats their business. I applaud you, ma. I especially aint goin stop no chick from gettin her paper. Dont stand over here and talk 2 me for 2 long, I dont want niggas thinkin u my girl. Niggas dont tip as well if they think the girl isnt available. All apart of the fantasy. I tell my stripper friends that all the time lol... Folk can think Im gross for enjoying strip clubs if they want. I really dont care. Most people are closed-minded fucks anyway. Dont blame me cuz I can see outside of the peon box your trapped in.

Anyway, that really wasnt what I was going to talk about. But I changed my mind. Im not going to talk about what I intended to anymore. Its pointless. Sooooo... This is goodnight.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...