Just 33 facts about me...

1. I dont have a set type when it comes to women. I just love women. I feel that they are God's greatest creation. Even with all the emotions and craziness that comes with them.
2. I procrastinate like crazy and I hate it.
3. I am very observant when it comes to people... Especially when Im around them a lot.
4. Im a friggin whorebag for music. I love it all. Music makes me feel better, and helps me get through my day.
5. I feel like life is too short to grudge. So I dont. If someone dislikes me, then tell me. Not saying that I care to resolve the issue, because IMA BE GOOD REGARDLESS lol. But if they want to talk about their sour feelings instead of badmouthin me behind my back, then Im all for that.
6. People hate to love me, and love to hate me.
7. I hate falling in love... But it keeps happening. I think Im just in love with the thought of being in love. Im envious not jealous of couples with successful relationships lol.
8. I want to get married soon. And I want a whole boatload of kids... 9 to be exact. I love kids.
9. When Im good at things, I like to do them all the time. Which is why I like to have sex a lot lol.
10. I think Joe Budden is the best rapper alive, Jay-Z is the greatest. Point, blank, period.
11. I have an abundance of clothes, but like to wear the same shit a lot. I dont consider myself fly nor a baller. I just enjoy buying new clothes and not wearing them. "Spent a hundred bucks on this, just to be like 'Nigga u aint up on this'" lol
12. Im a very complex individual, but at the same time, very simple...
13. I HATE FEET. I would never approach a chick in flip-flops... Unless Im dumb drunk lol. Im slowly getting over my phobia of feet though. Its more like a thing of getting used to them when you see them all the time.
14. I have 6 tattoos so far. I plan on getting my whole upper body covered over time. Which is why Im working out now, because I already am VERY comfortable in my wifebeater, I just want to be comfy takin my shirt off at anytime to show off my tats lol.
15. I LOVE BOOTS. Yeah, I have a lot of sneakers but I wouldnt consider myself a "sneakerhead"... Ima leave that to Pooh.
16. I absolutely love chicks in heels. More pump then stiletto tho unless she got some pretty feet and her toes done. BTW, JUST CUZ YOUR TOES ARE DONE DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE PRETTY FEET.
17. Im a momma's boy. But I dont want my wife to remind me of her, I want her to be her own person.
18. Im not the jealous type, because I feel like somebody else will come along. Yes, that thought process is very wrong. But Im not gonna fight over any girl, I could love her to death and still just let her walk away. UNLESS, we are married. Then Im going to do everything I can to keep her with me. But otherwise, if she want that new dick, go get it ma. Do you, cuz Ima damn sure do me.
19. I write bomb ass poetry but cant rap for shit lol.
20. I am a Tennesee Titans fan... Yes, I was very hurt this year. Built me up just to knock me over. Damn you, Fisher!
21. I think that "Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia" is the funniest show on TV. Then "Flight of the Conchords"... With that said, the only person who I enjoy watching either of these shows with is Rachel.
22. With that said, the funniest person I know is Rachel. Not my sister lol.
23. And with that said, when I get my "Rachel" tattoo, its for my sister. Not my bf lol.
24. I own a lot of fitteds. I only wear like 3 though because I dont have anything else to wear with the others lol. So I keep them locked in the attic, in a safe for storage.
25. I drink. You all know that. I smoke every now and then, but its kinda hard now due a situation of mine lol.
26. I only say Im the shit, because Im no man's shit-stain... I think very highly of myself and I believe everyone should.
27. My honesty is sometimes a burden. It brings more drama then a lie would. If I could just lie more often, then things would be better lol.
28. I can be your best friend and your worst enemy.
29. I lost my virginity to a big girl. So I have always dug them more then skinny bitches. Like I stated before, I dont have a set type. But Id prefer a girl with meat on her bones then a skinny girl. I like em thick lol.
30. Im a sucka for a pair of sexyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ass LIPS.
31. I love women in sleep pants or sweatpants. Especially those Vicky secret joints wit "Pink" on the ass. The best.
32. I love accents. Or better yet, things about a woman's speech that make her standout. Like lisps as well lol.
33. Yeah, by some folks standards... I am considered a "hoe". But I do truly believe in monogamy. Its just that while I love being in a relationship, I love being single just as much. DAMN it. Conflicts of the heart...

First, last...

So while you distance yourself from me, I realize more and more why Im alone in the first place. I feel as though Im very authentic in my feelings towards people. Some way more then others. I dont care about many people, and its weird because the ones who I actually do care for only call when something is needed from me. But no longer will I be available. When it rains, it pours... And when Im up, seems like everybody benefits. When Im down, aint nobody around. So... Like I said before, Im learning to be content with being by just myself. Maybe its my fault in the first place, cuz I hate asking people for help for the most part. Every now and then, I suck up my pride and seek help. But the other times, I just keep my shit to myself. There lies the problem I guess. But blah... Pops always told me, "speak when your spoken to, come when your called"... So thats the shit Im on now. I dont have much to say anymore, so I dont want to call and waste anyone's time. Ill just wait until they call, my number hasnt changed. My address hasnt changed. Everybody knows I cant drive right now, so Im just in the house doing shit. I go to work, come home, workout inside the house, and go to sleep to do the same routine. Am I upset by that routine? Not at all... Anymore. Because it keeps me out of trouble and away from wishy washy characters. Saves me money. I havent gotten a haircut in weeks because aint nobody to impress. I dont give a fuck about girls. Just useless to me right now. My hand does the job. When I get my shit together, I might go fishing again. Until then, I have no need for a girlfriend. I used to want to have somebody to hold, but that feeling has subsided... Greatly. When Im ready for a girl, somebody will be there. Well, I gotta go do some more crunches before bed. Night...

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

Clearer View...

Quote of the week: "I love everybody, dont ask bout who I beef wit/They burned the bridge, but they was standin underneath it/Im on my grind, benjamin huntin/Was old since I was young, call me 'Benjamin Button'/And stop usin slang, jus for u to be cool/Cuz Ill go back to when it was cool to be you/Im a hero/No I mean, Im Hero, from 'Heros'/Dark-shade zeros/Muhfucka I jus got finished hatin me, feelin like a zero/They play Deniro/Never been there tho/So before your next thought, understand/No, its much more to me than a man/Either that, or move on..." - Joe Budden, "Move On"

Man... So, Im making changes in my life. Im going to get fit this year. Im very proud of myself so far, because Ive managed to do 100 push-ups each day for the last 3 days. Coming from a nigga who dont do push-ups, Im happy. Im going to try and maintain that pace until I feel like Im ready for more. That will hopefully rid me of these man-boobs. One of the only things I dislike about my body. So Im going to pause on getting my chest tatted until I see some results there. Another thing, I am now in grind mode. Like for real for real. Im going to TRY and stay away from clubs and parties until at least April. Because there is nothing there except bitches and trouble. Right now, I need neither. I am learning to be content with just being by myself. I miss not being able to drive. I remember when I used to get down, I would just hop in Ethel and pop in a cd, more then likely Mood Muzik 2 or 3. I would just ride around the 19th ward aka the only westside. Every now and then, I would venture out and go to the east side. But I hate that area. Prolly cuz I dont know shit. But whateva...

I am going to refrain from getting a haircut until my taxes come back. Maybe longer. Thats a part of grind mode. I want to change my look, and my lifestyle. Im preparing for my move. I have to pick a destination. I want to just go and start over. Be stared at because Im a new face. Have people judge me because I am new. And hopefully change their perception of me once we finally meet. I cant do that here. Because for some reason, "once a hoe, always a hoe". I guess. Im tired of trying to change everyone's view of me. Fuck it. Folk can call me what they like... Yes, I have fucked more then 5 girls. Yes, I have blackouted from drinking. Yes, I have done very stupid things in my life. But at the same time, I can admit my faults and embrace them... Im only human, and put my pants on, 1 leg at a time like your dumbass. Most people wont blame themselves, so they blame others. Most people live in denial. I am not better then anyone. But there is nothing wrong with thinking you are. Thats how you separate the winners in life from the losers. And I refuse to be a loser....

Hold on, time for some more push-ups...

But whateva... When I move, trust me... Im still gonna be an honest nigga and tell folk the truth when I meet them. There is a difference between lying and with-holding the truth. I cant tell everything right away, because I dont trust many. Its hard to trust when folk CONTINUE to fuck me over. I dont make excuses for my past, it is what it is. Yea, I fucked up some good shit. But its whateva, Im not gonna act like I dont care cuz I do. But I refuse to sit and dwell on shit... Im seriously happy that my ex has moved on, I was bitter for a while because I felt like she left at the beginning of trouble for me instead of ridin out like she claimed she would. But its all good... I dont need to know shit about her anymore beyond if she is still breathing or not. Congrats, if you ever read this. I would never wish bad on anyone. Do you, cuz I damn sure does me. Mattas fact, that goes for all my exes. There is a reason that they are exes, because they are not the one for me. There is 1 person for me. I dont know exactly when Ill meet her, if I havent already. But I hope God helps me open my eyes to her when the time is right... God please help me. I cant wait to get back right with the Lord. My life is crazy. I need calm.

"I look at alotta you cats and laugh/Cuz Im the shit, man and yall aint even passin gas" - Joell Ortiz, "Move On"

William H. Macy... blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

"I does what I does in shiny new dunks"...

Comparing love to being a sneakerhead...

Yeah... Yes... Of course. I want to be one of those people who line up early as fuck Saturday mornings for a pair of overly priced sneakers. Limited editions. Only 100 pairs were made of these in the world. And I got them at a discount for $350... But the more I think about it... Ive been doing just fine in my boots.

"Flyer then the rest of them, and still got my Nike boots"... Yeah, I know that song isnt completely about Nike boots. But I do dig that hook. Catchy. My boots have gotten me in trouble for big and little reasons. Yet, they have always been there for me. I cant help it. I fuckin love sneakers, when I have them, Im a completely different person. My walk and speech is different. With sneakers, comes romance and mushy shit. With my boots, comes an asshole and craziness. Some people act as if they want my sneakers until they realize its muddy outside and even though my sole isnt the cleanest, dont wanna take that risk. Maybe not to mess up my sneakers or better yet, their own. When I do cop sneakers, I dont go as hard as I should, and then I try to wait and see if the sneakers I want will make clearance. But a female's shoe, is different then that of a male's, usually. So while she sees mushy, I see I just dropped $350 at 4am on a Saturday morning in negative degree weather.

I hope that makes sense lol. I dont want to be a boot wearer for eternity. Its just that a female's shoe differs from that of a male's, usually. Which I believe, is like licking someone's asshole. That can be viewed in so many ways. A female can see it as just this dude is just into nasty sex. While the male can view it as a huge sign of his affection. And vice versa... The point Im trying to make is... While a good chunk of my life has been majorly about wearing boots, with time and thought, any and everybody can become a sneakerhead. Even certified bachelors... And mattas fact, even though becoming a sneakerhead can become dangerous. I want some sneakers.


Mariska Hargitay... blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

No more suicidal...

I took "The Daily Suicide" off of the title, because my pops walked by the screen yesterday and asked me... "You not still feelin like that are you?"... I replied, "Nah Pop, I cant leave yall like that. Thats just my blog"... Then we sat down and took shots of gin. I love my Pops. But still, lemme explain...

I dont know if I have told anyone about this ever. But still... Back in like the 8th grade, I had this english teacher, Mr. Morgano(best english teacher ever). He took my class to NYC for FREE. But beyond that, he made us keep a journal. My first signs of writing. And I remember, I was goin through a rough patch like usual it seems. My uncle died. My aunt died. And I was still thinkin about my grandpa being gone. I forget the other shit that was going on exactly. But still... I contiplated suicide. I actually was forced to see a counselor about it because my teacher read it in my journal and thought I was going to kill myself.

I actually did cut myself tho lol. But my punk ass didnt cut deep enough. Scar is still there. Its kinda my reminder that, no matter what happens... It still doesnt beat death. I stay smiling. I dont hold grudges. Because... I could be dead. Then who would yall be mad at constantly!? lol... Still, see... The best comedy comes from tragedy. I love that saying. Cant wait for that tattoo. Thats within the next months. Trust. That is one of my favorite sayings and I cant remember where I heard it first. I didnt come up with it. But I loveeeeeeee it. Prolly the only nigga you know with it tatted tho. Whatever... My life is a comical tragedy. Big ass train wreck, where nobody gets killed, just hurt like a muhfucka. And then later on, down the line, tellin their grandkids... They say "man, I was in a trainwreck a long time ago and everybody survived. And ever since that day, I have lived life differently."... Yeah... THATS MY LIFE! lol

Yo... So I started listenin to "Lost" by Gorilla Zoe again lol. I love this song. Damn I wish I could make music. My boo can sing, but I cant get her to sing to me. Ima get her tho lol. Yall wont know about it tho, cuz thats goin to be between us. But Ima get her...

Say it with me now...

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

She dont love me, she just love my doggystyle...

"Im jumpin out the window wit this one..." I FREAKING LOVE THIS SONG lol... Damn Ron Browz. I swore I hated this shit at first, but its MAD catchy. Especially once you get intoxicated lol. Man... I could probably listen to this shit all day.

I love Nicki Minaj, both as an artist and I think she is fine as shit. When I get rich, I want that. Speakin of me gettin rich... For some reason, I have had the very strong feeling of winning the lottery. 43 million to be exact. Only person Ive ever told that to was Dollface. Today I told my sister and Pop. Man, I got big plans when it happens. I literally have sat down and thought it out. Im cleanin up all my CLOSE friends credit. Then buyin them cars. I was goin buy a fleet of Range Rovers, but maybe everybody doesnt want one. So Ill ask first. Im donating 1 million to my church alone. And Im going to just work at the warehouse on saturdays. Openin up a slew of businesses around here. A bar, a bakery where my mom will be in complete control of. Like 2 or 3 restuarants, one for Pooh's mom, one for my mom, and prolly some crazy ass priced place that Im gonna call, "80 B"... In memory of my grandparents house where I was raised at 80 Bradburn. I went hard on that one lol. You like, dont front.

Im going to take a trip to Vegas or LA with 10 of my closest male friends... Then come back tanned, just to go on another trip to somewhere out the states with my closest female friends like Pooh, Rae, Delo, Sika, Dollface, Karla(for Rae lol), prolly Ki, if Pooh wants her there lol. And I cant think of any other females that I would want to go. Suggestions? Then, Im comin back to the Roc just to take yet another trip with just Dollface and me. Idk where we goin yet tho. Then after I come back hitched, Im goin on a shoppin spree in the city wit Pooh. Where Ill try my hardest to "run" into Nicki Minaj(if she is still relevant). Wait... The shoppin spree will have to come before the trip where I get hitched. Because once Im tied up, Im tied up. Plus... Nah... Pooh we cant go to the city. We goin have to go elsewhere lol. I jus remembered, I cant be around city girls. I loveeeeeeeee them. OMG. idk why. I just have always fancied a lady from the city, with their city accents and city sense of style. Speakin of "The City", that bitch Whitney is sexy as fuck lol. Id drink her bath water lmao. Anyway, back to the point...

Opening like 2 sneaker stores... One ran by Pooh, the other by Ace. Honestly, the two most knowledgable people I know about sneakers. I got more shit planned... I just dont feel like exposin my masterful plan beyond my trips and whips... Oh wait... The CARS! I almost forgot... Well, I dont want much ;p... Im payin off Ethel, and hookin her up. I always said, I want to keep my 1st car. So Im gonna do right by my baby. And then Im gonna buy a Range Rover, black and white. I can see it now. I havent really thought of anything beyond a Range lol. Well I have, but you'll just think Im disgusting lol. I saw Jeezy's new "My President" video, and I want that exact same Lambo. But thats after I start seeing revenue from businesses. Im fine with 2 V's for now. Plus, I want a house on a hill. Why? IDK lol. I just do. I want it at the top of the hill though and my driveway has to be like 60 yards. I want a flat way. Not one of those driveways where u gotta climb shit. Fuck that. Yo... fuck it lol.

I swear, thinking about shit like this helps me get through my day. I just wanna be able to help my family out at the end of the day. Provide for my kids, who dont exist yet. But they will someday. Make sure that everybody I love is straight when I am no more... Muhfuckas can call me an asshole all they like, I still have a big heart and just like my tattoo... Its family first.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

Im a beast...

So today... I started a new workout routine. I thought about how untoned my arms are, and if Im going to get them tatted up like there is no tomorrow... I think they should be more toned. There just big right now. And for a guy, there should be more. So, Ive decided that while at work. Im going to workout, on top of the labor I already do. Simply by doing push-ups at the end of each aisle. I took pictures today of how long the aisles are and the skids and the power jacks. Just so people know what Im talkin about. I just havent uploaded them yet. But yeah, since I just started, I do 5 push-ups for now after adding to my skid. I made it to 70 push-ups today. Im kinda excited about that. I figure by the summer, my body will be in much better shape then it is now. Plus if I lose weight, my wang looks bigger lmao. Even though I dont need it too, thats just somethin I heard would happen lol. I dont think Ill become a gym rat like E... My nigga is a completely different dude. I saw pics of him from last March and he has lost mad weight. I never realized he was that big.

Quotes of the week: "Wow, how u been baby? But Im sayin... Even though we probably only link up every now and then/Wit minimal convo, look its really good to see you friend/Somethin I realized and I dont even have to mention/Is whether or not, you got me, thats somethin I never question/Sometimes I feel the people I love, dont appreciate me/And some will hate ya, u see the shit I been goin through lately/See, you was here when the shit started to go hay-wire/You still here, walkin wit me, goin through the fire/And I really love ya for it, I kno u all relate to/On everythin that I believe, and I appreciate you/And just for that, it dont matta, u can put that on my name/The way you rep, u let me be there just for u the same/Sometimes the pressure and the pain , it be wearin me out/But I thank you just for bein there and hearin me out/I got a clearer view... I thank God that you been there for me, Im here for you..." - Busta Rhymes, "Decision"

"Blame it on who? Blame it on me/She drink til she sleep, and she drinkin all me/I live in her cup, I watch the ice sink/She sippin all night, on some shit thats light pink/You kno they say, you are what you drink/Well baby, I gotta be Louie the 13th/And I could talk to her, where nobody hear/I liquor so good, she dont go around beer/" - Lil Wayne, "Blame It(remix)"

On another note... I cant wait to go see "Notorious" tomorrow. Im not surprised my phone hasnt rang today. I was suprised by the conversations I had yesterday with two individuals I never thought I would speak to again. Weird. But whateva... Im outta 5000. Im horny as fuck.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

weird

Well not weird... But I dont like it, for some strange reason. I went to community service and in less then an hour of being there, I was hit on by both my manager and a customer. Both I am neither attracted too, but the customer is apparently a regular, so I expect more. Geez... And then at the Cheesecake Factory tonight, our waitress hit on me, not once, not twice, but 3 times... And gave me free alcohol. wtf. I was mighty happy, but felt dirty at the same time. Like do I just give off this vibe of wanting to just fuck whereever I am, no matter who Im with?

Maybe Im just in love with the thought of being in love. Because being in love is way better then just thinking about being in love. Am I in love? Yes... But the question is with whom. Myself? The woman who eludes me? The attention I get from women in general? Or simply just the thought of being in love? Idk... Well, I do. But Im on some "Girl, Interupted" shit... Cuz "Ill never tell-lll" lol.

Peach Redddddddddddd... Is mad nasty this time around. But I have absolutely nowhere to go in such harsh weather 2morrow. MAD LEFTOVERS. Fried chicken. Shepard's pie. Greens n beans(which is escarole, cannelini beans and italian sausage). hamburgers. And peach nasty ass red. Im neva buyin this shit again. yuck. but whateva... Im goin back to my bed... "They callin me" lol.

Richard Dreyfus... blahhhhhhhhhh went the lion

she rockin that thang like...

Girl, Im in love with you, baby, and I wanted to know/If you'd be my main course, cuz I dont want you to go/...

Thats my own version lol. The original lyrics to that song are "Girl I'm in love with you baby.And I want you to know.That I'm hooked on your body.And I'm trying to be your's."...

I tried to write my own version, but got tired lol. I just like that part that I made and the hook. Im sittin here listenin to mad, ummm mood music I guess. Plus this top-shelf is uber. Its makin my stomach rumble like crazy tho, but whateva. I felt like vibin for a minute, and I didnt feel like talkin on the phone anymore... By the by... I ABSOLUTELY HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. Like why the fuck are you calling me to hear me breathe!? Get a life! Or go hear some other breathing technique. So annoying. "Get in, get out, thats an OG classic"... Meanin, say what you have to then get the eff of my jack. People wonder why I dont call, its because you have nothing to say or at least nothing I wanna hear. I only call people I enjoy talking too, or for business. Other then that, my phone is annoying.Anyway, I overhear my sister's computer upstairs playing "Lions, Tigers, and Bears"... So Im gonna go listen to it as well. I freakin love that shit. I start community service today. I wonder how it will be. Im not gettin dressed up, cuz that attracts all the wrong attention and I dont want any anyway. I just wanna serve my time then get the fuck out.I wish I lived by myself. Or at least had my own place. Like seriously... I think Im a huge freak, like deep down inside. Cuz Im open to trying new shit, just no gay stuff. I love only ladies. And I dont want any girl or body for that matter comin near my asshole lmao. NOW THATS NASTY lol. Its crazy cuz Im dead ass serious... No girl will ever leave me because she isnt satisfied behind closed doors. If she does, she isnt the type of lady I want anyway. I havent even done it all, but Ive done a lot. I am a sexual being. I can not help it. I LOVE sex. I think my parents had to be huge ass freaks back when they were doin the do, cuz I love it way more then most people. I love watching it, doing it, learning it... Whatever. Im trying to tone done my talk about it beyond closed doors, but its a process. Whateva, I lost my point for a minute lol. My whole point with wanting a place of my own, is because some nights... Even though Im always in the mood to do it, I just wanna lay up next to the one I love. Not even have sex. Just lay there, holding her. The warm embrace that you can get off of another human being, during that point, is sometimes the most comforting thing in the world.

Just to be able to kiss the forehead, then hold onto the person your in love with like this will be yall last night together, everynight... Is something I wish I could do. I envy people in successful relationships. Not jealous. Just envious. Having someone to hold when the nights are cold, pressing up against their body. Arms wrapped around them. Smelling the sweet, delicious scent coming from their hair and body wash. Caressing their soft skin. Just loving without doing anything. Touch has to be my best sense, next to sight. Fuck that, taste as well. I LOVE THE TASTE lmao. But whateva... I just wish I had that. Wish I could do that. Sometimes, I dont wanna lay in my twin by myself. Like tonight... oh well...

side note... Pooh, I cant recall ya friend's name from the night we all went to the beach right now, but I started listenin to Wale. And I like what I hear. I kno u told me about him as well, but still... I just remember ya homeboy tellin me some shit about him as well.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion

Good times

So today, while at work... My co-workers and I had a huge discussion about weed. I dont consider myself an expert at all, I just smoke whats passed to me. One dude said... "Man, u gotta smoke if you goin work here. This place will drive you crazy!"... That nigga is 45. I love old heads lol. Listenin to these grown ass men, have a huge discussion in the open, clear as day was the best. And it made me reminisce... Is that spelled right? I dont feel like checking. Anyway, I miss those times where I was legally able to do such illegal activities. Now because of probation, I have to be more mindful of my actions. But fuck it... I miss those times when dollface and me would chill and smoke right after both of us got outta work. Like seriously... We would smoke, then go watch an episode of "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia", then go get Fatone(lol) then come back, find food, and watch yet another episode of what has to be the funniest show in the world... At least to us. Ive showed that show to a dozen other people, and they just dont laugh like she does. I miss that... I cant watch for the next season. Its like the grilled shrimp of TV to me. I loveeeeeeeeeeeee grilled shrimp. Fuck it, I just love shrimp.

Anyway, back to the store... I remember this one time, at band camp... lmao. I had too lol. But seriously, i remember this one time where we had "Hindu Kush" with maple flavored Kingpins... awwwwwwwww the best. I had the taste of maple syrup in my mouth for hours, I wanted waffles soooooo bad. My love affair with smoking doesnt compare to the one I have with drinking, but hopefully... I can quit that relationship. Moving on... I miss the times where we would wait until Fatone went to sleep just to sneak outside and sit in the car, late as fuck, just to smoke. Even though I had to be to work in the mornin, I didnt care. I was enjoying both myself and the company I had. I dont give an eff yo... When season 5 comes back on, I am lighting up in celebration lol. I effin love that show. Damn, my job sucks. But the pay is good, and so are the people I work with. If only they offered better hours, then Id be golden lol. I heard that I got a raise while I was away. I have to wait for my next paystub to confirm it tho lol

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion

Old School

I write poetry. Well nowhere near as often as I used to. But still, I write poetry. One of the things I feel Im good at. So anyway, I was just going through my archive of old poems and went through the unfiled section. Cuz I have finished work, then unfiled... But anyway, Im not goin to post the entire thing because it has 8 parts lol. The funny shit is, this is "Truth Is... Pt.2". So there was a 1st lol. I got work for days... Damn shame. My best work is fueled by emotions and truth. And once I get going, I tend to just keep going. I wrote this back in like '06 lol, I remember this shit cuz it was around the time my pops had his stroke and I was going through a lot. I know why this one was in the "unfiled" section, because I sorta just tapped out half way through the 8th part... Anyway, Im only going to post 2 and 3. I think I may have posted them before, but Im not sure anymore. Well, do what you will.

"Truth Is... Pt.2"
Act 2 : Try to keep my composure as I squabble with this poser/Starin at a poster I try to reach some closure/A man calling himself my father, but he's a coward/Like a virgin deflowered our relationship has scoured/Watered down then grew sour, with every passing hour/I lose more power... Power to restrain myself/What makes it harder is I dont blame myself/Try to regain myself/As I abstain from help/And the pain Ive felt/The stroke came about and my tears came out/Supposed to be strong and the bitch rang out/Doc said he needed surgery certainly and my emotions started jerkin me/Gave two options in case of emergency, option 1 was a certainty/Tried to hold fast despite our cold past/Choose not to quarrel unless Im told trash/But lately all he says is bull, and I want to just pull...Away from the things he will say to urk my nerves today/Words to sway of off wordplay, if you observe his taunt/For a non-athletic diabetic, the nerve he'll flaunt/Truth is... If he wasnt my father, Id kick his ass/Learn him a thing or two, very quick to class/Cuz he's too sick with sass/And Ill put a brick through his glass/Causing me to move, cant live here anymore/ Fuck tears further more/He puts a rumble in my belly, when normally Im humble and steady/All love aside, I cant stand this cynical judge/Im done with him, Ive reached the pinnacle of this grudge/...

Act 3 : Life is running in place, Im stuck in purgatory/Sometimes I feel there isnt a chance of purge for me/Trapped in a mellow ghetto, but Im on the verge homey/Of a surge homey, so please when I emerge hold me/Console me, tell me these nights arent cold, B/Just lie to my face, as I shutter from your embrace/Sigh like amazing grace, as I mutter to the base/Theres a stutter when I utter as I attempt to gain space/Again in the same place, where I went insane, Ace/Left in a slump on a road with more then a bump/But its next to a cliff, and I wonder to jump/It pains to be humble when to survive you gotta struggle/I try not to stumble while with good and evil I juggle/Just pieces to the puzzle, thats why I cant guzzle/Greed is death, so it makes it hard to nuzzle/Especially when Im in the hustle and hear "dont move a muscle"/So now Ive gotta bustle just to avoid a tussle/Pace is to fast at a 100 miles and running/Happiness comes with fake smiles and shunning/Sunshine peaks through the cracks of my unstained mind/Far from perfection, though the tracks are a mundane find/

Its crazy, cuz I wrote that in '06 and still can relate to some of that. Most of it actually. Damn, I dont know if thats good or bad. Geez louise...

Here is a quote from the movie, "Heat" starring Al Pacino and Robert Deniro...
"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner." Just more true shit... blahhhhhhhhhhh went the lion

Never planned 2 fail, just failed 2 plan...

True shit... Sometimes, things came at you like a ton of bricks that you werent expecting. And you can choose to ignore it and push it off until later, or deal with it now. Cuz in reality, ignoring your problems wont make them go away. Your just delaying the inevitable. As I sit here, eating some ramen noodles with some water... I cant help but to think about some shit that going on in my life... Even though, this is my blog, I dont care to speak on it right now. Its like 4 in the mornin lol. Im not tired, just hungry. Plus, Im being rude. I paused a phone call for this, idk why. A really random ass phone call, from a really random ass person that I really dont wanna really random ass speak to right now. The last muhfucka that called me at 3 in the mornin got hung up on lol. But blah whateva... Im turnin my pager on, so this will never happen again. Why didnt this asshole have the courtesy to just simply text me beforehand lol. Luckily, I was still up cuz I just left Nasty's house like 30 somethin minutes ago. BTW, Resident Evil 5 is "dutty" lmao. I gotta get a 360. And I won a $5 bet tonight, so Im $5 richer lol. But whateva... blahhhhhhhhh went the lion.

"The Spirit"

Was a good ass movie... If u like Sin City, I recommend it... I loved it. Funny and action. All I love... And also... Lately, I have been the biggest X-Men fiend. I absolutely love the animated series. Cant stop watchin it. Ask my sister lol. I watch like 3 a day. But I want the dvd boxset, which I cant seem to find sadly... So if anyone can find it then buy it for me, I will gladly be there slave for as long as it takes me to watch every single episode(76 in total I believe)... But trust me, that will prolly be watched in like a day or two at the most. When X-Men: the animated series is on... Nothing else matters lol. Im talkin the original one from the 90's. Not all that evolution crapola. Eww... The imitators disgust me. And I will not watch them if they are brought to me. Im sorry. Call me rude, but NO. I hate it lol.

Popped Water Bottles

I finally went to Venu... And I absolutely love that place. The only time Liquid will ever see me again is Thursday nights(if ever) cuz I get in free lol. But if I gotta pay to get into a club, Im at Venu. Plus, I like... No, love gettin dressed up. I didnt take any pictures of myself, but folk took a lotta pics of me. They'll show up on facebook eventually. But whateva... Im switchin up my whole style, simply based on what I saw last night. Mattas fact, I dont even think I have "style", I just make things look good lol. Needless to say, I enjoyed my New Years... Despite one incident that I dont care to mention. But honestly, some people need to mind their own business. I dont really have much else to say. I try to be nice and it doesnt work. So fuck it... I dont want ANY of my exes. Been there, done that. The only lady from my past I care about is still in my present and will hopefully one day be my future. I cant stand her ass, but I do love her. Such complex simplicity. She erks the hell outta me. But I find myself still wanting more. FUCK. I am at war with myself.