Clearer View...

Quote of the week: "I love everybody, dont ask bout who I beef wit/They burned the bridge, but they was standin underneath it/Im on my grind, benjamin huntin/Was old since I was young, call me 'Benjamin Button'/And stop usin slang, jus for u to be cool/Cuz Ill go back to when it was cool to be you/Im a hero/No I mean, Im Hero, from 'Heros'/Dark-shade zeros/Muhfucka I jus got finished hatin me, feelin like a zero/They play Deniro/Never been there tho/So before your next thought, understand/No, its much more to me than a man/Either that, or move on..." - Joe Budden, "Move On"

Man... So, Im making changes in my life. Im going to get fit this year. Im very proud of myself so far, because Ive managed to do 100 push-ups each day for the last 3 days. Coming from a nigga who dont do push-ups, Im happy. Im going to try and maintain that pace until I feel like Im ready for more. That will hopefully rid me of these man-boobs. One of the only things I dislike about my body. So Im going to pause on getting my chest tatted until I see some results there. Another thing, I am now in grind mode. Like for real for real. Im going to TRY and stay away from clubs and parties until at least April. Because there is nothing there except bitches and trouble. Right now, I need neither. I am learning to be content with just being by myself. I miss not being able to drive. I remember when I used to get down, I would just hop in Ethel and pop in a cd, more then likely Mood Muzik 2 or 3. I would just ride around the 19th ward aka the only westside. Every now and then, I would venture out and go to the east side. But I hate that area. Prolly cuz I dont know shit. But whateva...

I am going to refrain from getting a haircut until my taxes come back. Maybe longer. Thats a part of grind mode. I want to change my look, and my lifestyle. Im preparing for my move. I have to pick a destination. I want to just go and start over. Be stared at because Im a new face. Have people judge me because I am new. And hopefully change their perception of me once we finally meet. I cant do that here. Because for some reason, "once a hoe, always a hoe". I guess. Im tired of trying to change everyone's view of me. Fuck it. Folk can call me what they like... Yes, I have fucked more then 5 girls. Yes, I have blackouted from drinking. Yes, I have done very stupid things in my life. But at the same time, I can admit my faults and embrace them... Im only human, and put my pants on, 1 leg at a time like your dumbass. Most people wont blame themselves, so they blame others. Most people live in denial. I am not better then anyone. But there is nothing wrong with thinking you are. Thats how you separate the winners in life from the losers. And I refuse to be a loser....

Hold on, time for some more push-ups...

But whateva... When I move, trust me... Im still gonna be an honest nigga and tell folk the truth when I meet them. There is a difference between lying and with-holding the truth. I cant tell everything right away, because I dont trust many. Its hard to trust when folk CONTINUE to fuck me over. I dont make excuses for my past, it is what it is. Yea, I fucked up some good shit. But its whateva, Im not gonna act like I dont care cuz I do. But I refuse to sit and dwell on shit... Im seriously happy that my ex has moved on, I was bitter for a while because I felt like she left at the beginning of trouble for me instead of ridin out like she claimed she would. But its all good... I dont need to know shit about her anymore beyond if she is still breathing or not. Congrats, if you ever read this. I would never wish bad on anyone. Do you, cuz I damn sure does me. Mattas fact, that goes for all my exes. There is a reason that they are exes, because they are not the one for me. There is 1 person for me. I dont know exactly when Ill meet her, if I havent already. But I hope God helps me open my eyes to her when the time is right... God please help me. I cant wait to get back right with the Lord. My life is crazy. I need calm.

"I look at alotta you cats and laugh/Cuz Im the shit, man and yall aint even passin gas" - Joell Ortiz, "Move On"

William H. Macy... blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...