How do I put this...?

"Seems like I always had crushes on chicks I couldnt have/And then I end up fuckin wit someone I shouldnt have/See in my mind, its like Im perfect for her, I gotta show her/But sadly, in reality, dawg I dont even kno her/But still somehow she got my mind infatuated/Absolutely fascinated/Wit the thoughts of what she might be like/Time after time after time, I had to wait this(?)/Is fate procrastinatin? I can take it, cuz I might be right/... This is the girl of my dreams/Is she as good as what she seems?/Or am I lyin to myself?/Aye, should I try and get some help?"

Real shit... I hate thinking about her lol. She's so secretive that Id never truly know whats goin on in her chrome dome. She stares at me when she thinks Im not looking. Either shes undressing me with her eyes, or thinking "why do I continue to mess wit this clown?"... I look at her wit amazement myself, like "why do we keep endin up like this?". Got every reason to stop fuckin wit me, yet wont. I foxx wit her tho, hardbody... Shes growing on me, a lot. She gets upset by comments on other women, but thats just me. Im still not really messin wit anybody else like that currently. Im not really lookin for love anymore. Cuz I flip-flop all the time. One day I wanna be in love, then the next I wanna be single. Blah... I do miss her tho. Kinda pissed we didnt get to knock boots this weekend while she was in town lol. Oh well... Guess Im back to holding out. She is the only person Im fuckin. "Fuck what you heard, its what you hearin"... The ONLY...

A bitch goin have to seduce the shit outta my single ass to get in these draws lol. Its not like I couldnt fuck someone else, I just choose not to... Sobriety has helped me realized that my drinking is a large portion of where my lustful-ness comes from... When Im sober, I could care less about meeting new potential mates. But when I drink, I just wanna fuck at the end of the night lol. I talk to one other female, who actually is in town. But we not fuckin. Shit, I barely have ever really hung out wit her outside of work lol. Shes fuckin awesome tho. It just wouldnt work. I find her very attractive, she jus WAY to busy for me. I dont mind a busy woman, cuz I dont want anybody 2 be in my face all the time. But shawty hotcakes, is TOO busy. My ego hates being ignored lol. Im the one that does the ignoring. And she iggs the shit outta me for days at a time lol. I stay doin shit myself, but I usually always have time to text. How you think I keep gettin damn near 3000+ sms msgs SENT a month? lol...

I hate trying to figure out whats goin on. So I assume that nothing is. She does what she does, and I do what I do. Oh yeah, this part is about someone completely different then the previous two. Mattas fact, Im not even gonna say much. There really isnt much to say. Regardless of how I may feel for any other woman, I will always be there for her. She'll always be, to me, whateva the hell she is to me lol. Jus kno she da fuckin best...

I still feel like this will somehow, someway, be takin way outta context by ppl. Which is why I really didnt wanna post this. But its my blog, and I only write whats on my mind and in my heart. Ppl often take one thing I say and find someway to get offended. Its like when a white person says "you people r the greatest", while referencing a group of "coloreds" and then one "colored" finds it offensive and responds "what the fuck you mean, 'YOU PEOPLE'!?". White person responds "huh, excuse me... I just said your the greatest"... "Colored" says "SO WHAT!? Im offended now... Fuckin racist!" lmao