Lions, Tigers, and Bears...

All things to be afraid of... But Im not. No, Im not a hood nigga. No, Im not the easiest person to trust. But still, Im nothing to be afraid of. Why does anyone love, Love... When Love just seems to hate us. Some people search their entire lives for one person that they can call and consider their soulmate. That shit scares me. Which is why my fear of commitment causes me to sabotage good things. Im scared that one day, when Im all in love with the woman Im waking up next to every morning, will just up and leave me. Whether it be for someone else, or any other reason. Im scared that one day... After years and years of being with the same woman, Im going to have the urge to have another woman. I dont want that. I believe in love, and I believe in being faithful. Im just scared that I cant do it.

Nobody wants to hurt the person they love... Especially me. I have been in love numerous times, or maybe just thought I was... Either way, each time I tell a different woman that I love her. Those words grow stronger to me as I get older. So each time, when she up and leaves me... It hurts more and more. Im scared of having my feelings hurt, which is why I act heartless towards most random women. Im scared that my ego, my pride will be struck by the hand of heartache and the fist of heartbreak. I dont want to be alone. I dont want women to be afraid of loving me. Because when I tell a woman, I love her... Believe me, I mean it. And even though, I have all these inner demons that Im trying to get out of my closet, I believe that anything can be worked through.

My past is thick, but everyone has a past. I feel like if your honest and true, then it doesnt mean shit. Your past that is. I am very much in love with a woman that scares me. Honestly. On so many levels, I just want to live out the rest of my life with her. But Im scared... Scared that Ill end up hurting her eventually. Scared that she'll end up hurting me. Scared that she'll leave over something so small. Scared she'll just leave me... Alone. And Im afraid of being alone. Its like she is the "dark", and someone continues to ask me, "are u afraid of the dark?"... And the only response I can gather is... "Uhhh kinda".

Im scared that Ill fall to hard and once I turn into mushy Ry the romantic guy, she wont like that. Girls really love assholes, which amazes me. And I can be a complete asshole. Im dangerous, without being hood. Cuz while some dudes will hurt you or themselves physically, I wouldnt put my hands on a woman. Id just hurt her heart. And I dont wanna do that. I really want to be the guy that brings flowers to her job just cuz its wednesday. I wanna be the dude that holds her every night. I wanna be the one that is by her side, no matter what. I believe that I can stand strong through whatever, as long as the woman that loves me... Still loves me and is willing to stand strong with me. I dont care to argue, Id much rather make love. Passionate, sweet love...

I want a marathon relationship, not a sprint. I thought I would never be over my ex, and of course I still hold some type of feelings there. I considered her my fiance. But she means nothing compared to the woman I love now. And, Im just scared. Afraid... She scares me. Cuz while the woman is my lover, shes one of my best friends. And that adds to my fears. I dont wanna get all involved, get used to having her there just to have her leave me after Im all in. I cant take losing her. And it sucks, cuz when shes mad at me, I wanna just ignore her anger and her all together. But my mind races with the thought of her. My heart beats faster. My mouth waters cuz it remembers just how good she tastes. And that causes me to get over it faster then she would...

Love seems like an impossible mission, when you cant drop shit. But whats small to me, could be the world to someone else. And vice versa. Its just that, I know how to drop it. Because at the end of the day, all I want is to be happy... With her.