Spilled Milk

Aint no since in cryin over spilled milk... U either goin stare at the lemons, or make lemonade with them... Hence, "LEMONADE dat..." I dont live in perfection, I am not perfect. When Im down, it feels like the whole world wants to keep me there. When Im up, it feels like there is always somebody who wants to knock me off my high horse. At the end of each day, I dont pray. But I still have a strong belief in God. Without Him, Im nothing. So when someone feels like its their mission to hurt me in any way possible, it doesnt matter. As long as I have God on my side, everything will work out in the time manner He sees fit for me. I get extremely depressed sometimes, but I rarely tell folk. Im not very good at expressing my feelings through speech. Which has always come back to bite me in the arse. It seems like everytime I reveal somethin about me to someone, I gotta tell the deep ish. I truly believe that we are all like onions. Built with so many layers. And once you start to peel back those layers, usually there is a story strong enough to envoke tears of some sort. I dont know your history, but Im willing to listen if you want to tell me. Like I said before, Im due for a good cry. I really am. I dont consider myself to be a sensitive dude, even though I write poetry and Im not a fighter. I dont see myself as being sensitive.

I feel like people grab the wrong idea about me often. I have embraced my faults, and Im not afraid to admit when Im in the wrong. I wish some people could do the same. Im a walking contradiction, just like every other human. Im a hypocrite sometimes, and a lotta folk judge me for shit then go and do the same. Just switch up the names and the storyline, but in the underlining, lies the same thing. Mattas fact, I wouldnt even consider myself a fighter, cuz Im definately a lover before a fighter. And a damn good lover at that. Its not my fault that Id rather make love then argue or come to blows with anybody over something I feel is petty. That comes from one of the stories buried in my layers. I havent found anything worth fighting for, I guess. Well, I did... But thats another story. I get tired of talkin bout the same shit, so I wont this time.

I kinda lost my point... lol. So I dont know what to say anymore. I am going to enjoy myself tomorrow night, no matter what. '08 sucked for me. Hopefully, Ill have a turn around in '09. Im not gonna make any resolutions besides losing more weight and gettin more tattoos. I dont know if Ill jump into the relationship pool tho for... Obvious reasons. I cant swim. But I can float. Im tryna get over that though. I dont want nor need a girl. I want but dont need a woman... I swear, E & me have the best conversations when it comes to women. I remember one time, this nigga said... "Its easier to get 5 girls number in one day then it is to find $5 on the ground"... Thats true shit. Plus, to catch better fish, you gotta go fishing in deeper waters. So... Ive decided that after my probation, I am moving. Out of Rochester. Possibly New York State. I got 3 years to get my money right. But Im doing it. All I know is Rochester, so all I know is Rochester women, Rochester mentality. Everything has been Rochester. Sure, Ive traveled. But not much. I wanna see what the world has to offer me. Not what Rochester has to offer me. And I know if Im still here by my late 20's, Ill be here forever. 25 is a stretch but still is the perfect time for that move. Ill be 3 years wiser, which means 3 years better then I am now. Aint shit keepin me here except the law(lol) and my folks(i.e family & best friends)...

Thats all for now...