Conscience Call...

This is just an excerpt from a song/poem thing that Im writing...

"In the back of my mind, I hear my conscience call/So I answer & listen, hopin 1 day I can let the nonsense fall/Got it all backwards, I love life, but lustin for love/Im jumpin out the window, no Browz, just a push and a shove/Everyday is a repeat, cuz the world is filled wit women to woo/But whats important, is what these women mean to you"

Thats the hook... I think. Im still not sure yet. Either way, you like? Im still writing the rest. Mattas fact, Ive been writing like crazy lately. Short stories, poems, and I dont wanna call them songs... But songs lol. I dont know why. Main subjects are: religion, love, and making love. All things I would like to say Im familiar with. I have had a huge conflict with my religious beliefs over the years, and at times... It still peaks its head out. I believe in God... 99% of the time. That 1% tho, is a pain in the arse. Cuz I cant get rid of it. I think A LOT. Way more then I let on. I keep a ton of shit to myself. People think Im some type of chronic asshole... That very well may be true. But I try not to care about what other people think. "Only God can judge me, so Im gone/Either love me, or leave me alone" lol. God and my family.

Speaking of family, Im trying to design a family crest lol. I told my dad he should get a tattoo and he said "nah, I dont think so"... I said "what if I designed a family crest and we all got the same one?"... He said "ill think about it"... He cant turn me down once I show up wit a O'Neal family crest tattooed on me lol. He has to go get it. My mom doesnt have one either. My folks are such squares sometimes lol. But they had to be big ass freaks back when they were doin the do. Cuz they made me, and I love doin the do and bein freaky wit it lmao. It has to be in the genes! Anywhoo HAWWWWWWWWWW, GOT YOU ALL IN CHECK! lmao

Im outtee 5000...

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

Reality

So... Its Febuary 20th. My lovely sister of 20 years has turned... 20 today lol. Wow. I love my sister yo. I will defend her til the death of me. Believe that. I should go get her name tatted today in honor of her. Idk... Who knows.

Anyway... Umm so lately, things have been so weird. Between you and me. And I dont know how to handle it exactly. Sometimes, I think to myself, "just pick up the phone and call". But I feel like it would be entirely ackward, so I hold off. Your happy where you are, and thats all that matters. All I do is add confusion and ignorant trouble. None of which you deserve. You deserve the best, cuz you are the best. So I hope whoever, does right by you. True story, I have nothing but love for you... The good outweighs the bad to me, and you dont have to agree, but I will always be here for you.

And honestly people... If you like Drake, you should have "So Far Gone". If you need a copy, please inform me... Ive made like 5 cds already lol. Great new shit. Or just go to octobersveryown.blogspot.com and download it yourself. Just do it... Febuary has been a good month for my music loving ears. "So Far Gone" dropped on the 12th, and now "Padded Room" is dropping 12 days later on the 24th. I fuckin love Joe Budden. I cant wait to bless my sense of hearing with that delight of rhyming. Its coming out in stores, so I have to go purchase it even though I already have some of the songs. "So Far Gone" is dropping in the stores as well, so thats another purchase.

Ima keep this short for whoever is reading this... I got a few things to do today... After my workout, Im goin to go watch some episodes of "WordGirl"(I enjoy the fuck outta that show for some reason). Then Im goin to go shower and get ready for this evenings events. Dinner with a large group of people for Rachel's bday, then bowling. I cant wait to beat some ass in bowling. Aight, Im outta 5000, cadets...

Say it with me now...

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

no jumping for me... yet

I fuckin love, "So Far Gone"... Drake should've definately charged for this entire cd. I would've purchased the heck out of it. I heard one of the best quotes ever, "Never ask for permission, just ask for forgiveness"... True shit. Live life...

So she went to thinking again, and asked me "why are we not together?"... While I have an answer... I dont have an answer. Like I said before, I cant see myself marrying her... Yet. Not to say she isnt marriage material, Im just not sure she is for me... Yet. Sure, whats goin on between us now is great. But whose to say that it will be the same once those effin tags are attached. I already feel like we go together, just not officially. Yeah, I look at other broads still... I even get a number every now and then, just cuz. I dont call them, I just get their numbers for the fun of it. Just to know that I can, I guess. Im a trip... She knows I do it. She even dared me to do it one time in front of her. I bitched out for a second like "this is a joke, right?"... She said "nah, I wanna see how u do it"... I laughed, then proceeded to do it lmao. Wasnt successful, cuz the girl kept lookin at "my special friend" and wonderin who she was lol. Oh well...

Geezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Life is so hard sometimes. Why did anybody let me grow my hair out like that!? lol... I swore I was a sight to see. Fuck that, I have to stay with a haircut. It does so much for my ego lol. Damn, I wanna kill that giant... But the David in me, feels like we wouldnt be Ry with out that Goliath.

And Pooh, I had a great valentine's day with you babe. Thank you... Even though I spent entirely more then I intended that night, I enjoyed the hell outta myself. And NO, I have not called the girl who I fell in love with in the club lmao. I keep lookin at her number, and cant bring myself to delete it yet lol. Its crazy, cuz I know I would never date her, she is entirely tooooo hood for me and as we all know, Im not hood 1 bit. I mean, shitttt... I wear cardigans and shit. Gangstas dont wear ties(unless their Italian lol). But I do fuckin love her high yellow skin covered in tattoos. Like all over? What the hell... I had to just get her number tho. Tatts on her chest and all over her arms.... I fell in love lol. You might have to delete her number for me, cuz if I keep it any longer Ima end up doin somethin or someone for that matter lmao. And I want more then just sex nowadays... I think lol

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Good day, mortals.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...

i love it...

First off, I got two shout outs last night on my boo, Sika's radio show lol. Im mad proud lol. Plus I love the show mama. Much love to you and Ru. G as well.

Besides the working out, I have been into so much. But didnt feel it was right to broadcast it... Well Ive neva been one to always keep good things to myself, so I give to the world. Let 'em go and let the next show improve. Im good tho... Mighty fine where Im at. Im bout to celebrate my 1 year anniversary at the warehouse on March 8th, then my 3 year anniversary on April 6 with Wegmans as a whole. In an economy where muhfuckas is gettin fired and laid off, I feel good. Im bout to be level 3 in a few months, so thats another raise ontop of the one I got last month. Job security... Wegmans is opening up 3 more stores this year. So thats more work for us lol. Yes... Overtime. Moneyyyyyyyyyy.

So Im caught up in The Crazy L Trio as I like to call it(Love, Like, Lust)... Love is far from tho... So really Im just caught up in a bunch of lust and like. Its no secret. I love women. And I love sex. Both recipes for disaster. I gotta stop fuckin girls that know each other. This is getting old lol. Drizzy said it best... "And promotors try to get me out to they clubs and say I have fun/But I cant imagine how/Cuz I jus see my ex girl, standin wit my next girl, standin wit the girl that Im fuckin right now..." That very thing has occured, just not in a club lol. The promotor is obviously one of the females, encouraging me to come to a party with her. And I decline, because I know who will be there and I know what we did last summer lol. Or possibly, still are doing. I cant have fun in that type of environment. Not at all. It reminds me of "Def Jam's : How To Be A Player" with Bill Bellemy lol. I am far from being anywhere near his calibur of player tho. I dont even like to call myself a player. It seems so juvenile.

Im not juvenile, I just havent found a women who makes me not think of other women. Its like this... My last two girlfriends, have 2 things in common... Me lol and they both made me completely forget other females existed... For the majority of our relationship. But eventually, they got all comfy as did I, and unfortunately I grew bored. No more sparks. And since I cant bring myself to break up with anybody, I jus started doin dumb shit to make her break up wit me... Wait, that is juvenile. Yuck. My bad. But still... One man's trash, is another man's treasure. Im not sayin that any of the women I have encountered are trash EXCEPT ONE. BIGGEST REGRET EVER. But its mum for that. Anyway, Im just happy that they all have new significant others. Thats cool. I got a lil somethin somethin as well. She keeps me excited for the most part, and I fiend to hear her voice. Im upset she has to work for Vday, which is why I dont have a date. I told her I was going to find another dinner date, cuz I really just want to go out. And she was cool with that. But whateva... The only reason I havent made it official is because I still cant see myself with her 10 years from now, honestly. Hopefully one day I will. I always say, I want a marathon not a sprint. I can get a girl when I want. But I want a wife. And if they cant understand that... They aint the one. And when I look over everything that Ive done... All I want is THE one. Not just SOMEone. Fuck that...

"Patience is a virtue" said Sama Ry, who was then trumped by "blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" went the lion...

I dont know anyone named Cupid...

I dont have a valentine yet... Gotta have one tho. If not, Im going to Venu... Cuz one way or another, Im gettin dressed up. I reserved this brand new cardigan just for that day. I just gotta go get this hat I want to go with it. But I bought a brand new tie as well. And Im gonna break down early and finally get a haircut. I hope whereever Im at, there is good lighting. Im takin pics like a muhfucka lol. Cuz even though, I always end up with a valentine some how... I have never gone out that night. I dont have to be to work until 1 on the 15th. So hopefully, my night is good to the point where I dont come home. All I really wanna do is have dinner. Maybe a movie. Just a nice lil candle lit set up. Wine and dine. Yeah, Ill have a fitted on... But itll still be classy lol. Mattas fact... If I dont have a date, the money I was going to spend at dinner will just turn into a tattoo. I been dying for one of those lately. So either or, its a win/win for me. I dont really care if I dont have a date. I just want to enjoy my night. With whomever it may be. Im gonna ask Pooh if she has to work that night... Its a saturday, so she probably does. But Im gonna ask anyway lol. Maybe she'll get off early and we can hit up Venu. I love that place. I hope its warm that night. Its beautiful today.

Omg... I cant wait for the spring. Hoodie weather. I love hoodies. I have so many. But like fitteds, I only wear a few lol. Awwww... Im going to buy like 4 more though, Ive already picked them out. And I have to buy fitteds to match them, so yay! And I found 2 pairs of shoes that I want. Ohhh and I love golddddddddddddd lol. Thats all Im sayin about that.

Im outta here now... Gotta go workout.

"Patience is a virtue" said Sama Ry...

Act 2...

"Self-Reconstruction act 2"
Issues deep rooted, but still a graphic show out. The attic of charismatic, against me theres no bout. But lack of competition, caused my view to be in high-defination. Or maybe it was jus the gettin high in repetition. But I deem my complexed addition, only added fuel to my already complexed vision. Inferno ignited, partially slighted even though I see the world through lenses. Full-time four eyes, but sight has neva been one of my strong senses. So Im blind to the facts, picture perfect but Im so conflicted. Passion for life crept up on me, and now Im so addicted. Wishin I was able to be more restricted before I had got convicted. But alas... A new pain just equals a new lesson. Hardheaded fella, been tryna subdue stressin. But I was told, "the shit you reap is the shit u sow/Tell God Im better then the shit I show"/Cuz mixin my feelins wit the shit I kno/Has lead me to lay down armor too thick to glow/Feelin too sick to grow, and the pace is so quick its slow/And right now, my life aint fightin in the right stance/Stuck in drunken monkey, tryna prosper minus the right chance/I flirt with death to the point where we might dance/But excuse you me, I dont wanna lay wit her/She longs for me to stay wit her/Yet I wont, so she stay bitter/Teasin me in a dress that was made to fit her/Decked out ruby colored, knowin how much I adore red/But I gotta get back to life, so I kiss her forehead/Leave her moist, mama jus achin' for more/But I kno her foreign terror-tory is forsaken to explore/Its my life, your entertainment/Yeah, I ushered in some T.I.P./But still manage to get flustered so u can see Im me/And me... Im a nervous wreck-o/Waitin on my secret service to let go/But yet no/Cuz sometimes when you shine ya flashlight on somethin already so bright/You eff up the whole sight, and whats left aint right/While she was glancin my direction, I was chancin her affection/But romancin her attention, had me dancin wit whats destined/I dont know what to make of us, prolly cuz there is no us/I am who I am, and by far, you are who you are/And it has me smitten/Thinkin bout the purr of her kitten/Right before I touchdown like a running back/Taste so sweet, its no wonder why I keep runnin back/And now Im stuck tryin to arrest her heart through poetic justice/While being so afraid of becomin loveless/You want me to say it, then fine, Ill admit it/That it scares the SHIT outta me to be commited/Mainly becuz no matta how right the Justice, Im neva Lucky/And whether its the good or bad way, somebody always wanna fuck me/But I dont always wanna... Do it/Some days Im like "screw it"/And I kno its hard to view it/Due to my history, but my past is history/Class? No social studies, but from my social studies/Ive gained some coastal buddies/But those em-effers, are jus dead weight/Im sheddin pounds now, jus so she can be my check-mate...

the good stuff is always near the bottom of the pile lol... happy valentine's day to all if I dont post somethin else before then... a lot has happened in the past week, but I havent had the urge to blog like that. Im still readin tho. Just havent felt like splashin my whole water wave over the net recently. Lotta silly, lotta bad, lotta good shit... Im still livin, out here grindin like Khaled I guess. Hair outta control. But I refuse to get a shave. Its not like I dont have the bread, I just refuse to do it. I like it. Ace keep yellin at me to cut it, but I feel like... As long as I still feel good when I look in the mirror, and Im not out here tryin to impress ANY fuckin body nowadays, Im good... I been hearin a lotta chitter chatter, even caught a few folk playin themselves, but its all GOOD. Regardless of the bullshit, Im still here. Alive and well. Ethel in the shop, but she jus goin come back bigger and badder. So its nothin... Recently, I sat down wit my pops who is currently in the hospital, and we talked about why... Why people dont like me. I told him, I aint give a fuck. He said, "you shouldnt". And that was that. So even though I really aint give a fuck before... I just got co-signed by Pops... So anybody who dont like me, can go eat a dick. Bitches...


blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh went the lion...